George Carlin Quotes - Page 21

Quotes about:

• We created god in our own image and likeness!

  George Carlin

  Positive Atheism

  7 Copy quote

• I say things that can be defined as prayers. But I don't pray to a power or ask an entity to intercede in the earthly scheme, because I don't believe that happens. But if I see a really unfortunate person in the street, I do pray, yes, though I suppose it's really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow.

  George Carlin

  Prayer, Believe, Sorrow

  Interview with Sam Merrill, reprints.longform.org. January 1982.

  4 Copy quote

• If people stand in a circle long enough, they'll eventually begin to dance.

  George Carlin

  Circles, Long, People

  "Napalm and Silly Putty". Book by George Carlin, April 24, 2001.

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• I literally didn't know my father. My mother had been a secretary, and after she and my father split, she went back to work for an advertising executive. So my older brother and I were "latch-door kids." We went home for lunch and after school by ourselves.

  George Carlin

  Mother, Brother, Father

  Source: reprints.longform.org

  7 Copy quote

• She was only a prostitute, but she had the nicest face I ever came across.

  George Carlin

  Humor, Faces

  4 Copy quote

• If I ever lose my mind I hope some honest person will find it and take it to Lost and Found.

  George Carlin

  Humorous, Mind, Honest

  George Carlin (2015). “3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, p.464, Hachette UK

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• I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.

  George Carlin

  Christian, Stupid People, Thinking

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• It's way beyond ironic that a place called the Holy Land is the location of the fiercest, most deeply felt hatred in the world. And it makes for wonderful theater.

  George Carlin

  Land, Hatred, Ironic

  George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

  7 Copy quote

• I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where they hang his portrait, I don't care how big his library is. To me, he'll always be "Governor Bush." I don't even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.

  George Carlin

  Country, Names, Office

  "George Carlin... It's Bad for Ya!", www.imdb.com. 2008.

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• Let's not have a double standard. One standard will do just fine.

  George Carlin

  Double Standard, Standards, Fine

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• I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.

  George Carlin

  Suicide, Commit, Ifs

  "George Carlin: Life Is Worth Losing". TV Special, www.imdb.com. 2005.

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• When I was young I used to read about the decline of Western civilization, and I decided it was something I would like to make a contribution to.

  George Carlin

  Humorous, Civilization, Used

  George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

  8 Copy quote

• It turned out I was pretty good in science. But again, because of the small budget, in science class we couldn't afford to do experiments in order to prove theories. We just believed everything. Actually, I think that class was called Religion. Religion class was always an easy class. All you had to do was suspend the logic and reasoning you were being taught in all the other classes.

  George Carlin

  Science, Thinking, Order

  George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

  12 Copy quote

• Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.

  George Carlin

  World, Comedy, Upside Down

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• There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.

  George Carlin

  Intention, Bad Thoughts, Bad Word

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• And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That's all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.

  George Carlin

  Jesus, Sex, Mean

  George Carlin (2007). “The Best of Brain Droppings”, p.62, Peter Pauper Press, Inc.

  10 Copy quote

• If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

  George Carlin

  Turtles, Shells, Naked

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• I thought of myself as an atheist until I realized it was a belief, too. It's a shame everything has to have a label. I feel that if I was figuratively dropped on the Earth and there was a political line, I would be just left of center. The difference for me is that conservatives are more interested in property values and rights and free markets, and liberals are more interested in human rights. In the end, there are people who don't fit into the marketplace and are not equipped. I believe the government should step in where the free market fails.

  George Carlin

  Atheist, Business, Believe

  Las Vegas CityLife, August 09, 2007.

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• And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National

  George Carlin

  Stupid, People, Messages

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• I don't vote. We're led to believe we're free through the exercise of ineffective freedoms.

  George Carlin

  Believe, Exercise, Vote

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• Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.

  George Carlin

  Needs, Ovation, Corny

  George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

  61 Copy quote

• President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.

  George Carlin

  Prayer, War, President

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• It's not in the mainstream media yet, but the biggest jump in skin cancer has occurred since the advent of sunscreens. That kind of thing makes me happy. The fact that people, in pursuit of a superficial look of health, give themselves a fatal disease. I love it when 'reasoning' human beings think they have figured out how to beat something and it comes right back and kicks them in the nuts. God bless the law of unintended consequences. And the irony is impressive: Healthy people, trying to look healthier, make themselves sick. Good!

  George Carlin

  Cancer, Thinking, Media

  George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

  15 Copy quote

• If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.

  George Carlin

  Love You, Fire, One Love

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• I like my jokes to be built on a foundation of ideas, or at least smart observations.

  George Carlin

  Smart, Ideas, Foundation

  Source: www.avclub.com

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