George Carlin Quotes About Jesus

Quotes about: Jesus

• What year did Jesus think it was?

  George Carlin

  Funny, Jesus, Humor

  George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

• Did you ever stop to thnk about all the people we kill? They're always people who tell us to live together in harmony and try to love one another: Jesus, Ghandi, Lincoln, John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, Medgar Evers, Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, John Lennon. They all said: 'Try to live together peacefully.' BAM! Right in the f--in head! Aparently we're not ready for that!

  George Carlin

  Jesus, Kings, Hate

• Jesus was a cross-dresser.

  George Carlin

  Jesus, Crosses, Genuine

  George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

• I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.

  George Carlin

  Jesus, Men, Accepted

• There's some invisible guy, up in the sky, who can kill you, because he loves you.

  George Carlin

  Jesus, Love You, Sky

• And what can we do to silence these Christian athletes who thank Jesus whenever they win, never mention his name when they lose? Not a word. You never hear them say "Jesus made me drop the ball." "The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage." According to these guys Jesus is undefeated, meanwhile these assholes are in last place. Must be another one of those "miracles."

  George Carlin

  Christian, Jesus, Philosophy

  "Back in Town". Documentary, Comedy, 1996.

• Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!

  George Carlin

  Sports, Jesus, Stupid

• Matt 13:57. Then Jesus told them, 'A prophet is honored everywhere except in his own hometown and among his own family.' The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Jesus, Nice

• And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That's all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.

  George Carlin

  Jesus, Sex, Mean

  George Carlin (2007). “The Best of Brain Droppings”, p.62, Peter Pauper Press, Inc.

• If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense? What year did Jesus think it was?

  George Carlin

  Jesus, Stupid, Thinking

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