George Carlin Quotes About Religion

Quotes about: Religion

• If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.

  George Carlin

  Games, Play, Religion

• Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  George Carlin

  Atheist, Stupid People, Organization

• Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

• What year did Jesus think it was?

  George Carlin

  Funny, Jesus, Humor

  George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

• Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man ... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Life, Motivational

• I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

  George Carlin

  Religious, Atheist, Ideas

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• I've begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, and a lovely day. There's no mystery, no one asks for money, I don't have to dress up, and there's no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to "God" are all answered at about the same 50% rate.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Prayer, Numbers

  George Carlin (2007). “The Best of Brain Droppings”, p.28, Peter Pauper Press, Inc.

• I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Witty, Atheist

  George Carlin (2007). “The Best of Brain Droppings”, p.52, Peter Pauper Press, Inc.

• I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with churches? Tax them. If holy people are so interested in politics, government, and public policy, let them pay the price of admission like everybody else. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Sarcastic, Witty

  George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

• I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.

  George Carlin

  Atheist, Two, Guy

  "A Place for My Stuff". Comedy album by George Carlin, 1981.

• Religion is just mind control.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Mind, Religion

• When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.

  George Carlin

  Atheist, League, Bullshit

• Something is wrong. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, crime, torture, corruption and the ice capades. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. This is not what you expect to find on the resume of a supreme being. It's what you expect from an office temp with a bad attitude.

  George Carlin

  Attitude, War, Ice

• Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.

  George Carlin

  Religious, Atheist, Men

  "You Are All Diseased". Documentary, Comedy, 1999.

• How come when it’s us, it’s an abortion, and when it’s a chicken, it’s an omelette?

  George Carlin

  Funny, Abortion, Religion

  "Back in Town". Documentary, Comedy, 1996.

• Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.

  George Carlin

  Law, Religion, Atheism

• Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.

  George Carlin

  Religion, Earth, States

• The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Humor, Stupid People

  George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

• Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.

  George Carlin

  Feel Better, Shoes, Religion

• When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.

  George Carlin

  Men, Sky, People

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