George Carlin Quotes About Giving

Quotes about: Giving

• Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.

  George Carlin

  Giving, Political, Incentives

• Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

• Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Humor, Beer

• You know what they want? They want obedient workers. Obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. And just dumb enough to passively accept all these increasingly shittier jobs with the lower pay, the longer hours, the reduced benefits, the end of overtime and vanishing pension that disappears the minute you go to collect it. And now they're coming for your Social Security money. They want your f**kin' retirement money. They want it back so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street.

  George Carlin

  Running, Retirement, Jobs

  "Life Is Worth Losing". Documentary, Comedy, 2005.

• The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election

  George Carlin

  Bullshit, Giving, Voting

  George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

• The larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake of group thought. And when you suspend your individual beauty you also give up a lot of your humanity. You will do things in the name of a group that you would never do on your own. Injuring, hurting, killing, drinking are all part of it, because you've lost your identity, because you now owe your allegiance to this thing that's bigger than you are and that controls you.

  George Carlin

  Hurt, Giving Up, Drinking

• The things they don't tell you in schools these days, geez. Have a look at your owners. The politicians are put there to give you the idea you have freedom of choice. You don't. You have no choice; you have owners. They own you. They own everything.

  George Carlin

  School, Ideas, Giving

• There's a reason education sucks, and it's the same reason it will never ever ever be fixed. It's never going to get any better. Don't look for it. Be happy with what you've got, because the owners of this country don't want that. I'm talking about the real owners now... the real owners. The big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. Forget the politicians. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don't. You have no choice. You have owners.

  George Carlin

  Education, Country, Real

  "Life Is Worth Losing". Documentary, Comedy, 2005.

• Politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don't.

  George Carlin

  Ideas, Giving, Choices

  "Life Is Worth Losing". Documentary, Comedy, 2005.

• It's not in the mainstream media yet, but the biggest jump in skin cancer has occurred since the advent of sunscreens. That kind of thing makes me happy. The fact that people, in pursuit of a superficial look of health, give themselves a fatal disease. I love it when 'reasoning' human beings think they have figured out how to beat something and it comes right back and kicks them in the nuts. God bless the law of unintended consequences. And the irony is impressive: Healthy people, trying to look healthier, make themselves sick. Good!

  George Carlin

  Cancer, Thinking, Media

  George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

• One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm goin'.

  George Carlin

  Humorous, Hands, Two

  George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

• It's nothing but a big stroke job in this country. The government strokes you every day of your life. Religion never stops stroking you. Big business gives you a good stroke. And it's one big, transcontinental, cross-country, red, white and blue stroke job... Do you know what the national emblem for this country ought to be? Forget that bald eagle. The national emblem of this country ought to be Uncle Sam standing naked at attention saluting, and seated on a chair next to him, the Statue of Liberty jerking him off. That would be a good symbol for the United Strokes of America.

  George Carlin

  Country, Uncles, Jobs

  "George Carlin... It's Bad for Ya!", www.imdb.com. 2008.

• Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.

  George Carlin

  Rain, Giving, Wetlands

• Language always gives you away.

  George Carlin

  Giving, Language

• I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.

  George Carlin

  Country, Adventure, Thinking

• Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?

  George Carlin

  Giving, Should, Illegal

  Song: Feminist Blowjob, Album: Parental Advisory: Explicit Lyrics

• Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.

  George Carlin

  Giving, Sick, Guy

  George Carlin (2015). “3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, p.310, Hachette UK

• That's basically what the drive is: "I want to be famous, I want to be noticed, and I want to be approved of." That's basically what you're after. "Give me attention, give me applause, give me an audience. A. A. A. Straight As." That's all you're looking for.

  George Carlin

  Giving, Attention, Want

  Source: www.avclub.com

• Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.

  George Carlin

  Humorous, Giving, Helping

  George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

• I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?

  George Carlin

  Humorous, Giving, Selling

• People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?

  George Carlin

  People, Giving, Choices

• This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen.

  George Carlin

  Art, Prayer, Father

• Abraham Maslow said that the fully realized person transcends his local group and identifies with the species. But the election of Ronald Reagan might've been the beginning of my giving up on my species. Because it was absurd. To this day it remains absurd. More than absurd, it was frightening: it represented the rise to supremacy of darkness, the ascendancy of ignorance.

  George Carlin

  Giving Up, Ignorance, Darkness

• I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!

  George Carlin

  Art, Cutting, Giving

  George Carlin (2004). “When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, Hyperion

• In some hotels they give you a little sewing kit. You know what I do? I sew the towels together. One time I sewed a button on a lampshade. I like to leave a mark.

  George Carlin

  Giving, Together, Buttons

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