George Carlin Quotes About Fathers

Quotes about: Fathers

• I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here are a few I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was."; "Drinking will significantly improve your chances of murdering a loved one."; "If you drink long enough, at some point you will vomit up the lining of your stomach."; "Use this product and you may wake up in Morocco wearing a cowboy suit and tongue-kissing a transmission salesman."

  George Carlin

  Father, Drinking, Kissing

  George Carlin (2015). “3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, p.657, Hachette UK

• I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Father, Humor

  George Carlin (2004). “When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?”, Hyperion

• At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure

  George Carlin

  Father, Best God, Figures

• This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen.

  George Carlin

  Art, Prayer, Father

• My grandfather, mother and father were gifted verbally, and my mother passed that along to me. She always made sure I was conscious of language and words.

  George Carlin

  Mother, Father, Language

• I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'

  George Carlin

  Father, Thinking, People

• If two baseball players from the same hometown, on different teams, receive the same uniform number, it is not ironic. It is a coincidence. If Barry Bonds attains lifetime statistics identical to his father's, it will not be ironic. It will be a coincidence.

  George Carlin

  Baseball, Team, Father

  George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

• My father and mother separated when I was two months old.

  George Carlin

  Mother, Father, Two

  Source: reprints.longform.org

• I literally didn't know my father. My mother had been a secretary, and after she and my father split, she went back to work for an advertising executive. So my older brother and I were "latch-door kids." We went home for lunch and after school by ourselves.

  George Carlin

  Mother, Brother, Father

  Source: reprints.longform.org

• My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.

  George Carlin

  Father, Alcohol, Trouble

• There is a core of loneliness. It's partly existential. Secondly, I was raised a loner. My parents were not there. My father was asked to leave because he couldn't metabolize ethanol. Actually, my mother ran away with us when I was 2 months old and my brother was 5. Real dramatic stuff: down the fire escape, through backyards. So, I sort of raised myself. I was alone a lot and I invented myself - I lived through the radio and through my imagination.

  George Carlin

  Mother, Brother, Father

  Interview with Ricky Young, www.motherjones.com. March/April 1997.

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