Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
always remember your unique, just like everone else
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.
The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you’re not using?
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?
In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said 'cut it out'
Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Every day we present the best quotes! Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends
or simply: