Steven Wright Quotes

Quotes about:

• If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Writing

  23 Copy quote

• Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

  Steven Wright

  Funny Motivational, Teaching, Math

  37 Copy quote

• What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Death, Suicide

  32 Copy quote

• Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Justice

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  22 Copy quote

• always remember your unique, just like everone else

  Steven Wright

  Unique, Remember

  76 Copy quote

• If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

  Steven Wright

  Inspirational, Funny, Men

  217 Copy quote

• Why isn’t the word “phonetically” spelled with an “f”?

  Steven Wright

  68 Copy quote

• The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Witty, Time

  698 Copy quote

• How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Ocean, Humor

  135 Copy quote

• The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

  Steven Wright

  Stars, Lying, Night

  216 Copy quote

• I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.

  Steven Wright

  Inferiority, Very Good, Inferiority Complex

  117 Copy quote

• When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Teacher, School

  145 Copy quote

• Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Time, Humor

  207 Copy quote

• Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Night

  167 Copy quote

• Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Taste

  145 Copy quote

• I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

  68 Copy quote

• If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Cowboy

  57 Copy quote

• How come abbreviated is such a long word?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Long

  82 Copy quote

• Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Stars, Believe

  114 Copy quote

• If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Firsts, Succeed

  56 Copy quote

• I was hitchhiking the other day and a hearse stopped. I said, 'No thanks, I'm not going that far.

  Steven Wright

  Hitchhiking, Thanks, Said

  33 Copy quote

• In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said 'cut it out'

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Home, Humor

  15 Copy quote

• If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Vegetables

  71 Copy quote

• Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Memories, Humor

  175 Copy quote

• Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Ideas

  58 Copy quote

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