Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.
I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'
I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
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