Steven Wright Quotes About Comedy

Quotes about: Comedy

• Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Memories, Humor
• 

  There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Sports, Sarcastic

• I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Work, Humor

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

  Steven Wright

  Fun, Work, Distance

• I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Beach, Nature

• If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Laughing

• If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Summer, Humor

• Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Ocean, Humor

• I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, People

• When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Children, Humor

• If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Light

• I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

  Steven Wright

  Love, Dream, Funny Inspirational

• I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Moving, Humor

• I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Light

• Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Life, Baby

• I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Night

• Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

  Steven Wright

  Coffee, Comedy, Break

• I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Friends, Humor

• I recently went to the hardware store and I bought some used paint... it was in a shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. So I had to buy them again.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Hilarious, Witty

  "I Have A Pony". Comedy album by Steven Wright, 1985.

• My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Science, Theory Of Evolution

• I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Eyeglasses

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Writing

• I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Visionaries

• There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Power

• If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Swim

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