Steven Wright Quotes About Giving

Quotes about: Giving

• My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Birthday, Humor

• 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Sarcastic, Humorous

• I used to own an ant farm but had to give it up. I couldn't find tractors small enough to fit it.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Giving

• I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Giving

• I don't like the sound of my phone ringing so I put my phone inside my fish tank. I can't hear it, but every time I get a call I see the fish go like this <<<>>><<>><<<<. I go down to the pet store and said, "Give me another ten guppies, I got a lot of calls yesterday."

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Phones

• The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store."

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Money, Humor

• Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even for money. It just wouldn't seem right.

  Steven Wright

  Ideas, Giving, Jokes

• I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.

  Steven Wright

  Teacher, School, Class

• I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.

  Steven Wright

  Awards, Tv Shows, Giving

• People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.

  Steven Wright

  Thinking, Trying Something New, Creating

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• email
• linkedin