Bobcat Goldthwait Quotes

• Animals may be our friends, but they won't pick you up at the airport.

  Bobcat Goldthwait

  Animal, Airports, May

  24 Copy quote

• I lost my job, well I didn't lose it, I know where it is, there's just some other guy doing it now.

  Bobcat Goldthwait

  Jobs, Guy, Lost

  26 Copy quote

• Well, I'm an uncle now ... don't know if I'm a good one. My nephew asked me the difference between a hamster and a gerbil and I told him I thought there was more dark meat on a gerbil.

  Bobcat Goldthwait

  Uncles, Dark, Differences

  22 Copy quote

• America’s one of the finest countries anyone ever stole.

  Bobcat Goldthwait

  Funny, Country, Humor

  22 Copy quote

• Quit everything until you find something that you just cannot quit.

  Bobcat Goldthwait

  Quitting

  23 Copy quote

• Go on, try weasel, try squirrel; it tastes like chicken, it tastes just like chicken! If it tastes just like chicken, why don't you gimme some damn chicken?

  Bobcat Goldthwait

  Funny, Animal, Squirrels

  25 Copy quote

• I'm against gun control. It's not that I like guns, it's just that allowing Americans to have guns will increase the chances that a bunch of rednecks will blow each other's heads off.

  Bobcat Goldthwait

  Redneck, Blow, Gun

  17 Copy quote

• If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.

  Bobcat Goldthwait

  Funny, Advice, Police

  14 Copy quote

• That's human nature - we want to completely rewrite history so it can be comfortable. Without getting too profound, I'm pretty sure that's where the invention of the afterlife comes from. "We don't really become worm food. We go to a magical place with bunnies and rainbows."

  Bobcat Goldthwait

  Afterlife, Profound, Rainbow

  Source: www.avclub.com

  10 Copy quote

• How can you be a vegetarian atheist and own a gun? Well, that's who I am.

  Bobcat Goldthwait

  Atheist, Gun, Who I Am

  8 Copy quote

• When I was a baby I had no teeth. I couldn't get a job and I couldn't eat meat.

  Bobcat Goldthwait

  Baby, Jobs, Meat

  12 Copy quote

• I can't feel my face. I mean I can touch it. But I can't feel it inside.

  Bobcat Goldthwait

  Mean, Blow, Faces

  11 Copy quote

• What's the difference between a Dice Clay concert and a Klan rally? Nothing. Trick question.

  Bobcat Goldthwait

  Differences, Clay, Dice

  14 Copy quote

• Kurt (Cobain) was a fan of my standup, which was pretty weird. I know when people hear that, it's kind of like finding out that Jimi Hendrix really liked Buddy Hackett, but he interviewed me at a college radio station before they broke and did Bleach. And then, like, about two years later, I was opening for Nirvana at these huge sports arenas.

  Bobcat Goldthwait

  Sports, College, Years

  Interview with Will Harris, www.bullz-eye.com. August 19, 2009.

  11 Copy quote

• I retired from acting the same time they stopped hiring me. But following my own thing of making these small indie movies has been the happiest I've ever been.

  Bobcat Goldthwait

  Acting, Hiring, Retired

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  10 Copy quote

• Fame is like a big eraser. It's strange, now that I'm famous. In my parents' opinion, all the shitty things - all the wreckage of my past - is erased. Now it's like I was never the kid who got arrested. Now I'm a wonderful son.

  Bobcat Goldthwait

  Kids, Son, Past

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  5 Copy quote

• If you ever see me at a boat show or at a car show, blow my head off.

  Bobcat Goldthwait

  Blow, Car, Boat

  7 Copy quote

• Don't hoo, hoo, hoo me. There's a fine line between hoo, hoo, hoo and hiel, hiel, hiel.

  Bobcat Goldthwait

  Lines, Fine Lines, Fine

  8 Copy quote

• My daughter went to the school, and it's a very, very progressive and liberal school, and my commencement speech was telling the kids just to always be willing to quit, and that they need to quit a lot in their lives, and keep on quitting, because all the happiness I've ever got was when I turned my back on things that everybody else thought would make you happy. I can smell parents' stomach acid right now, but they know that whole "You gotta get a job and you gotta settle for what people perceive as success" thing is really absurd.

  Bobcat Goldthwait

  Daughter, Kids, School

  Source: film.avclub.com

  4 Copy quote

• In my first stand-up acts there wasn't material even. You know, I'd go on stage and cry and read a Dear John letter or gut fish on stage. I could be odd - and it's what interested me as a comedian.

  Bobcat Goldthwait

  Comedian, Goes On, Letters

  Source: www.npr.org

  6 Copy quote

• In fact, with Michael Jackson, I think those mourning people... They aren't even waking Michael, they're waking the Michael Jackson of '84. They never were given a chance to give their respects to the death of the guy they loved back in '84.

  Bobcat Goldthwait

  Thinking, People, Giving

  Source: film.avclub.com

  4 Copy quote

• It's that weird need to make tragedy about us. When you look at 9/11, there's people who really died and family members who really suffered. And then I would be in Montana, and a guy would go, "You know, I was close to Ground Zero." And it's like, "What are you talking about? You're in Montana." Everybody had to make it about them.

  Bobcat Goldthwait

  People, Guy, Tragedy

  Source: film.avclub.com

  4 Copy quote

• Stand-up was interesting to me at the beginning, because I was trying to parody it. My early stand-up was really Andy Kaufman-esque, and then I became the very thing I was making fun of.

  Bobcat Goldthwait

  Fun, Interesting, Trying

  Source: film.avclub.com

  4 Copy quote

• The bar for being shocking doesn't even exist anymore. What am I going to do to shock people? Seriously, try to get The Fisting Musical off the ground? Its really at this point, there is no bar.

  Bobcat Goldthwait

  People, Musical, Trying

  Source: film.avclub.com

  4 Copy quote

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