Comedian Quotes

• Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

  Will Rogers

  Funny, Life, Change

  Will Rogers, Bryan B. Sterling (1988). “The Will Rogers scrapbook”, Random House Value Publishing

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• I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Humor, Stupid People

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I'm not for everyone. I'm barely for me.

  Marc Maron

  Funny, Podcasting, Entertainment

  Twitter post from May 15, 2014

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• Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense.

  Alan Moore

  Humor, Realizing, Make Sense

  "Fictional character: Edward Blake". "Watchmen", www.imdb.com. 2009.

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• I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Sarcastic, Humorous

  69 Copy quote

• I have learned from my mistakes, and I am sure I can repeat them exactly

  Peter Cook

  Funny, Mistake, Life Lesson

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• Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

  Stephen Colbert

  Funny, Trust, Children

  76 Copy quote

• Life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.

  Bill Hicks

  Funny, Dream, Revolutionary Ideas

  "Bill Hicks: Sane Man". Documentary, Comedy, 1989.

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• The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Christmas, Girl

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  The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

  Demetri Martin

  Funny, Im Sorry, Heart

  "Why Demetri Martin's new show is an Important Thing not to miss" by Will Dean, www.theguardian.com. September 24, 2009.

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  At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.

  Joan Rivers

  Funeral, Age, Different

  Joan Rivers (2012). “I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me”, p.44, Penguin

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• When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.

  Drew Carey

  Honor, Relief, Comic

  "Stand-Up Guy". Interview with Nick Gillespie & Steve Kurtz, reason.com. November 1, 1997.

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• I have worked with a great many comedians as opposed to comics, although I have worked with comics as well, I make the distinction.

  Bobby Darin

  Comic, Distinction, Wells

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• I guess I still feel that I'm a comedian; if I had to pick one thing that I feel like I could do, it would be that. That doesn't mean that I like it, but I feel that's what I am.

  Larry David

  Mean, Would Be, Feels

  "SPOTLIGHT; A Show About Nothing (but Larry David)" by Eric Messinger, www.nytimes.com. October 17, 1999.

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• I didn't plan on being a comedian. I didn't plan on getting married and I didn't plan on having kids, but I did all those things.

  Rodney Carrington

  Children, Kids, Funny Marriage

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• I think the more the actor lets you know what he thinks of the character, the less the audience cares - like a comedian who laughs at his own jokes.

  Neil LaBute

  Character, Thinking, Laughing

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• The idea of a Japanese comedian was not only a rarity, it was non-existent.

  Pat Morita

  Ideas, Atheism, Rarity

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.

  Paul Rodriguez

  Funny, War, Teaching

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• When I told my friends I was going to be a comedian, they laughed at me.

  Carrot Top

  My Friends, Laughed

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• A comedian's body is funny as well as his mind being funny, his whole personage is funny.

  Bobby Darin

  Funny, Mind, Body

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• The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.

  Lenny Bruce

  Laughing, Fifteen, Roles

  "Lenny Bruce: Swear to Tell the Truth". Documentary, Biography, Comedy, 1998.

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• I'm a comedian first. I've learned how to act. I just draw on life experiences and that's how I've learned. I didn't take classes or anything. I don't need no classroom.

  Steve Harvey

  Class, Needs, Firsts

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• It seems like when I first started, people got into comedy because they wanted to be good comedians.

  Wanda Sykes

  People, Firsts, Comedy

  Interview with Keith Phipps, www.avclub.com. October 20, 2004.

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  Politics is developing more comedians than radio ever did.

  Jimmy Durante

  Radio, Developing

  Information Week, Issues 699-702, (p. 497), 1998.

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• The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.

  Gilbert Gottfried

  Pressure, Given, Being Funny

  8 Copy quote