Stand Up Comedian Quotes

• Meal isn't over when I'm full. Meal's over when I hate myself.

  Patton Oswalt

  Hate, Meals, Delicious Food

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• Laughter is good for you. Nine out of ten stand-up comedians recommend laughter in the face of intense stupidity.

  Jim Butcher

  Laughter, Laughing, Stupidity

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• The really good stand up comedians can be angry but relatable, and they have interestingly humanizing personalities. Their observational skills are far greater than mine, so I'll just stick to reading lines off a page.

  Kunal Nayyar

  Reading, Skills, Personality

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Jesus was a brilliant Jewish stand-up comedian, a phenomenal improviser. His parables are great one-liners.

  Camille Paglia

  Jesus, Comedian, Brilliant

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• And what is the reaction of the British politcal class? Well the Lib Dems, still think that the Euro is a success! I don't quiet think where Cleggy gets this from, I don't know. Prehaps he is cosidering an alternative career, as a stand up comedian, once he's out of politics.

  Nigel Farage

  Thinking, Class, Careers

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• I took an acting class. After the first day, the teacher quit, so they said take another. When I saw 'How to be a Stand-up Comedian,' it resonated. I realized I'd rather make 200 people laugh than make one person cry.

  Wendy Liebman

  Teacher, Class, People

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• I usually just say I'm a stand-up comedian, but I use looping machines to create ideas with my voice.

  Reggie Watts

  Ideas, Voice, Comedian

  Source: www.avclub.com

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• Conclusions are based in time. We live in time. So any definition of success is bound up with time. With other things you can say, "Can I yo-yo? Can I juggle?" Usually you have a pretty small window in which to get your answer. Stand-up is different. You can't do stand-up for one night and say, "Am I a funny stand-up comedian?" In two months or two years you'll start to realize it.

  Demetri Martin

  Night, Years, Two

  Interview with Litsa Dremousis, www.believermag.com. February 2006.

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• A stand-up comedian faces the audiences and gets their immediate feedback. I hide behind the comic strip, and unless people write to me, I dont know what they think.

  Stephan Pastis

  Writing, Thinking, People

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• When you're in Hollywood and you're a comedian, everybody wants you to do other things. All right, you're a stand-up comedian, can you write us a script? That's not fair. That's like if I worked hard to become a cook, and I'm a really good cook, they'd say, "OK, you're a cook. Can you farm?"

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Writing, Humor

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• Canada has been a breeding ground for great comedic actors, sketch artists and stand-up comedians. We grew up with a different perspective on the world.

  Harland Williams

  Artist, Perspective, Comedian

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• I'm best known as a stand-up comedian, but I'm a good actor in the right role.

  Marcus Brigstocke

  Comedian, Roles, Actors

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• It's also that comedians don't have the kind of narcissism that actors have. They're writers who perform their own material. It's more interesting. And they're sexy because they risk more. Stand-up comedians risk more than anyone.

  Rachel Weisz

  Sexy, Interesting, Risk

  Interview with Emma Forrest, www.indexmagazine.com. 2001.

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• I also could see myself as a stand-up comedian, a fashion designer (for people of all sizes), a hairdresser, an earnest and eventually burnt-out politician, or the owner of a small bistro. But I fear that, without poetry, I would have simply been going through the motions.

  Denise Duhamel

  Fashion, People, Comedian

  Source: therumpus.net

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• Branne's [Pavlovic] parents wanted him to become a taxi driver, but he became a stand-up comedian instead. So they died of shame.

  Aron Flam

  Parent, Comedian, Shame

  Source: www.vice.com

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• I had to write a comedy set and film a show at the same time. And it's the second time I've been up on stage as a stand-up comedian with untested material. I was saying it out loud for the first time that night. It didn't go how I expected, but in the best possible way.

  Zach Anner

  Writing, Night, Comedian

  Source: abilitymagazine.com

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• I wouldn't mind gigging around the same era as Jesus, after he gives his speech about the meek and how blessed they are and all that type of bullshit, going up there and doing a flat 20 [minutes]. I reckon I'd have better stagecraft and presence than Jesus. Yea, I'm a better stand-up comedian than Jesus, so I reckon I could go on after him.

  Jim Jefferies

  Jesus, Blessed, Bullshit

  Source: manofmany.com

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• In the stand-up comedy top, there's room for everyone - if you're good, there's room for everyone. You'll put on your own show - no one casts you. You cast your own show as a stand-up comedian. When you get good at stand-up comedy you book a theater and if people show up, people show up. If people don't show up, people don't show up. You don't have a director or a casting agent or anybody saying if you're good enough - the audience will decide.

  Jim Jefferies

  Book, People, Comedian

  Source: www.portlandmercury.com

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• It's like being a stand-up comedian is what leads to being a talk-show host. That life is not cut out for a woman, being on the road at these disgusting hotels. What girls want to do that? Gross guys want to do that. I think that the dearth in female comics is just the nature of the business, but there certainly isn't a dearth anymore, so I think it's just silly.

  Chelsea Handler

  Girl, Silly, Cutting

  Source: variety.com

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• For stand-up comedians that go onstage and get to write and perform and direct, and do all these things, the allure of a television show is still there but if it doesn't offer a level of creative fulfillment, it's oddly unappealing.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Writing, Creative, Comedian

  "Jim Gaffigan Talks to Brian Regan About Hating Being Called a 'Clean' Comedian, Resisting Hollywood, and Playing Big Venues". Interview with Jim Gaffigan, www.vulture.com. September 23, 2015.

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• Canadian comedians are generally more well-rounded... They have to do a lot more. In order to have a career in this country, you have to do everything. And in the States you can narrow-cast, you can be just a sitcom performer or a stand-up comedian or a sketch performer.

  Scott Thompson

  Country, Careers, Order

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• I play a garbage man who moonlights as a stand-up comedian. Terrible.

  Judd Nelson

  Men, Play, Comedian

  Source: www.avclub.com

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• The skill of a good actor is to make it always seem like you're in that fantastically spontaneous moment. Very often, a stand-up comedian has a different instinct, which is to reinvent. Once you've laid down some material, and made them laugh, you move on and find some new material.

  Colin Firth

  Moving, Skills, Laughing

  "St Trinian's - Colin Firth interview". www.indielondon.co.uk.

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• If you want to be a stand-up comedian or an artist, you move to New York.

  T. J. Miller

  New York, Moving, Artist

  Source: www.avclub.com

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• I love standup comedians. I really do.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Comedian

  "Comic Jim Gaffigan On Stand-Up, Faith And Opening For The Pope". "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross, www.npr.org. September 24, 2015.

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