Comedian Quotes - Page 8

• 

  In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.

  Bill Cosby

  Inspirational, Motivational, Positive

  Twitter post from Nov 18, 2009

  369 Copy quote

  Show source

• Congress is furious at the Secret Service for consorting with hookers, which has traditionally been Congress's role.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Usa, Secret

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Apr 18, 2012

  42 Copy quote

  Show source

• Ann Romney: 'The hardest part of being a stay at home mom was deciding which of our homes to stay at.'

  Andy Borowitz

  Mom, Home, Hardest

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Apr 14, 2012

  15 Copy quote

  Show source

• Sarah Palin has decided not to run for President and go straight to the quitting part.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Running, Political

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Oct 05, 2011

  22 Copy quote

  Show source

• Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.

  Andy Borowitz

  Funny, Stupid People, Political

  FaceBook post by Andy Borowitz from Sep 29, 2011

  29 Copy quote

  Show source

• I keep going because if you stop, you stop. Why retire? Inspire.

  Mickey Rooney

  Inspirational, Moving On, Retirement

  54 Copy quote

• Catch Fire, Do Something, Get Excited by Finding Your Purpose In Life.

  Steve Harvey

  Life, Fire, African American

  FaceBook post by Steve Harvey from Dec 18, 2014

  50 Copy quote

  Show source
• 

  You never know what's around the corner unless you peek. Hold someone's hand while you do it. You will feel less scared.

  Amy Poehler

  Inspirational, Fear, Hands

  Harvard University Class Day Commencement Address, delivered 26 May 2011

  29 Copy quote

  Show source
• 

  I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

  Joan Rivers

  Funny, Hilarious, Hate

  Quoted in Michele Brown and Ann O'Connor, Woman Talk (1984)

  59 Copy quote

  Show source

• Pro and con are opposites, that fact is clearly seen. If progress means to move forward, then what does congress mean?

  Nipsey Russell

  Funny, Humorous, Moving

  83 Copy quote

• We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.

  Fred Allen

  Historical, Competition, Age

  Fred Allen (2016). “Treadmill to Oblivion”, p.179, Pickle Partners Publishing

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• My goal is just to become a better comedian.

  Ron White

  Goal

  7 Copy quote

• Creator: A comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh.

  H. L. Mencken

  Freedom, Laughing, Democracy

  "A Mencken Chrestomathy". Book by H. L. Mencken, ch. 30, 1949.

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• I think, first of all, you need to love what you're doing, and then this helps in the comedian for its part in everything - but the moment you enjoy what you're doing, you try to express yourself, to find your way, and every time is different, of course.

  Cecilia Bartoli

  Thinking, Trying, Doing You

  "Diva Cecilia Bartoli". Interview with Elizabeth Farnsworth, www.pbs.org. November 9, 1998.

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• The average comedian is kind of an observer looking at everyday things that everyone could relate to and then trying to find the exaggeration in those things.

  Aries Spears

  Everyday Things, Exaggeration Is, Average

  8 Copy quote

• Up North you are holding your own. Everyone considers themselves a comedian.

  Johnny Vegas

  Up North, Holding On

  9 Copy quote

• I'm not a comedian. I'm an actor who just happens to be funny on occasion.

  Anthony Anderson

  Actors, Occasions, Happens

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  8 Copy quote

  Show source

• I'm not a comedian, I'm an actor.

  Chris Diamantopoulos

  Actors

  "Chris Diamantopoulos Talks THE THREE STOOGES, Honor in Reviving the Characters, and the Audition Process for Moe". Interview with Christina Radish, collider.com. April 11, 2012.

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• Something I'll always remember - when I was a kid, I shook hands with Orville Wright. Forty years later, I shook hands with Neil Armstrong. The guy that invented the airplane and the guy that walked on the moon. In a lifetime, that's kinda wild when you think about it.

  Jonathan Winters

  Kids, Airplane, Thinking

  49 Copy quote

• I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Life, Birthday

  119 Copy quote
• 

  It wasn't until I started reading and found books they wouldn't let us read in school that I discovered you could be insane and happy and have a good life without being like everybody else.

  John Waters

  Inspirational, Life, Happiness

  Interview with Scott Tobias, www.avclub.com. August 16, 2000.

  57 Copy quote

  Show source

• A good motto to live by: "Always try not to get killed.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Life, Sarcastic

  20 Copy quote

• Books are no more threatened by Kindle than stairs by elevators.

  Stephen Fry

  Inspirational, Funny, Humorous

  Twitter post from Mar 11, 2009

  24 Copy quote

  Show source

• You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren't paying attention to.

  Robin Williams

  Life, Philosophy, Memorable

  76 Copy quote

• Once the travel bug bites there is no known antidote, and I know that I shall be happily infected until the end of my life

  Michael Palin

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  64 Copy quote