Fred Allen Quotes

Quotes about:

• I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Sarcastic, Humorous

  69 Copy quote

• A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Work, Humor

  35 Copy quote

• A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but who, as a group, can meet and decide that nothing can be done.

  Fred Allen

  Inspirational, Funny, Teamwork

  9 Copy quote

• A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Hard Work, Humor

  68 Copy quote

• You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Movie, Heart

  Quoted in J. R. Colombo, Wit and Wisdom of the Moviemakers (1979)

  26 Copy quote

• If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Humor, Criticism

  14 Copy quote

• Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Humor, People

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  12 Copy quote

• A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.

  Fred Allen

  Skins, Stories, Humans

  14 Copy quote

• My hometown was so dull that one time the tide went out and never came back.

  Fred Allen

  Dull, Tides, Hometown

  15 Copy quote

• The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Clever, Church Choir

  59 Copy quote

• Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Failure, Humor

  18 Copy quote

• Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Humor, Cities

  12 Copy quote

• Everything is for the eye these days - TV, Life, Look, the movies. Nothing is just for the mind. The next generation will have eyeballs as big as cantaloupes and no brain at all.

  Fred Allen

  Eye, Brain, Mind

  10 Copy quote

• I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.

  Fred Allen

  Inspirational, Memories, Names

  4 Copy quote

• Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Stars, Mistake

  Quoted in Evan Esar, The Dictionary of Humorous Quotations (1949)

  85 Copy quote

• It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.

  Fred Allen

  Inspirational, Funny, Happiness

  20 Copy quote

• I was just working in the shop and all of a sudden something just triggered in me, and I started shaking. And then I walked back into the house and my wife asked, 'What's the matter?' And I said, 'I don't feel good.' And tears, uncontrollable tears, was coming out of my eyes and she says, 'What's the matter?' And I told her. I said, 'I just thought about that execution that I did two days ago, and everybody else's that I was involved in.' And what it was, something triggered within, and it just, everybody - all of these executions all sprung forward.

  Fred Allen

  Eye, Two, Wife

  "In America; Inside the Death House" by Bob Herbert, www.nytimes.com. October 9, 2000.

  4 Copy quote

• I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Writing, Years

  19 Copy quote

• Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Business, Humor

  89 Copy quote

• I'm a little hoarse tonight. I've been living in Chicago for the past two months, and you know how it is, yelling for help on the way home every night. Things are so tough in Chicago that at Easter time, for bunnies the little kids use porcupines.

  Fred Allen

  Easter, Kids, Home

  Fred Allen (1956). “Much Ado About Me”

  61 Copy quote

• If the grass is greener in the other fellow's yard- let him worry about cutting it.

  Fred Allen

  Uplifting, Cutting, Worry

  Fred Allen (2016). “Treadmill to Oblivion”, p.121, Pickle Partners Publishing

  14 Copy quote

• A psychiatrists is the next man you start talking to after you start talking to yourself.

  Fred Allen

  Humor, Men, Talking

  13 Copy quote

• He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.

  Fred Allen

  Inspirational, Life, Motivational

  7 Copy quote

• An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Humor, Income

  13 Copy quote

• Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Stars, Humor

  48 Copy quote

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