Fred Allen Quotes - Page 4

Quotes about:

• We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.

  Fred Allen

  Historical, Competition, Comedian

  Fred Allen (2016). “Treadmill to Oblivion”, p.179, Pickle Partners Publishing

  7 Copy quote

• The average vice-president is a form of executive fungus that attaches itself to a desk. On a boat this growth would be called a barnacle.

  Fred Allen

  Average, Growth, President

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• I'd rather have two girls at seventeen than one at thirty-four.

  Fred Allen

  Girl, Women, Two

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• He writes so well he makes me feel like putting my quill back in my goose.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Work, Writing

  56 Copy quote

• Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Humor, Men

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• It was once rumored that fledgling executives walked around their offices backwards so they wouldn't have to face an issue.

  Fred Allen

  Issues, Office, Faces

  Fred Allen (2007). “Treadmill to Oblivion”, p.211, Wildside Press LLC

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• To a newspaperman, a human being is an item with skin wrapped around it.

  Fred Allen

  Skins, Humans, Items

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• Vaudeville could not vouch for the honesty, the integrity, or the mentality of the individuals who collectively made up the horde the medium embraced. All the human race demands of its members is that they be born. That is all vaudeville demanded. You just had to be born. You could be ignorant and be a star. You could be a moron and be wealthy. The elements that went to make up vaudeville were combed from the jungles, the four corners of the world, the intelligentsia and the subnormal.

  Fred Allen

  Stars, Honesty, Integrity

  9 Copy quote

• The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Friendship, Travel

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• Hush, little bright line, don’t you cry You’ll be a cliché by and by.

  Fred Allen

  Lines, Littles, Cry

  Fred Allen (1956). “Much Ado About me”

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• With the advance of refrigeration, I hope that along with the frozen foods someday we will have frozen conversation. A person will be able to keep a frozen promise indefinitely.

  Fred Allen

  Promise, Frozen, Able

  Fred Allen (2009). “Treadmill to Oblivion”, p.3, Wildside Press LLC

  6 Copy quote

• Television is a triumph of equipment over people.

  Fred Allen

  Gnats, People, Triumph

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• He has no idea what it was like to grow up in the South, where you had to hold your head down.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Growing Up, Humor

  "Hundreds Attend Parks Memorial in Ala". www.foxnews.com. October 30, 2005.

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• Father Time is the make-up man responsible for the physical changes that determine the parts the average actor is to play.

  Fred Allen

  Father, Men, Average

  Fred Allen (2008). “Much Ado About Me”, p.311, Wildside Press LLC

  4 Copy quote

• When Jack Benny plays the violin, it sounds as though the strings are still in the cat.

  Fred Allen

  Music, Cat, Play

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• The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Queens, Luxury

  Fred Allen (2008). “Much Ado About Me”, p.147, Wildside Press LLC

  4 Copy quote

• A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Stars, Agents

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• Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Humor, Years

  12 Copy quote

• The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.

  Fred Allen

  Humorous, Cities, Paris

  10 Copy quote

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