Steven Wright Quotes - Page 4

Quotes about:

• Do the people in Australia call the rest of the world 'Up Over'?

  Steven Wright

  Australia, People, World

  13 Copy quote

• Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Travel, Memories

  37 Copy quote

• I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.

  Steven Wright

  Birthday, Moving, Tired

  15 Copy quote

• Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Doors

  31 Copy quote

• I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.

  Steven Wright

  Success, Book, Writing

  26 Copy quote

• I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Psychics

  8 Copy quote

• I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Eyeglasses

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  87 Copy quote

• Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

  Steven Wright

  People, Support, Culture

  44 Copy quote

• OK, so what's the speed of dark?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Dark

  "Believe the hype: Yankees catcher Gary Sanchez might be the real deal" by DJ Gallo, www.theguardian.com. September 1, 2016.

  19 Copy quote

• No one is listening until you make a mistake.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Mistake, Humor

  19 Copy quote

• If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Life, Humor

  20 Copy quote

• I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Hilarious, Humorous

  237 Copy quote

• If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Fall, Humor

  15 Copy quote

• Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.

  Steven Wright

  Phones, Looks, Ears

  25 Copy quote

• I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Life, Peace

  24 Copy quote

• Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Five

  14 Copy quote

• It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.

  Steven Wright

  Firsts, Killing, First Time

  72 Copy quote

• For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Birthday, Humor

  "Happy Birthday to You" by Don Meyer, Ph.D., www.huffingtonpost.com. October 1, 2013.

  110 Copy quote

• You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Swear

  12 Copy quote

• I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Beach, Nature

  47 Copy quote

• My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Cute, Time

  31 Copy quote

• Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Lightning

  9 Copy quote

• My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right; don't send me a bill until I pay you.'

  Steven Wright

  Doctors, Work Out, Shapes

  17 Copy quote

• If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Two

  11 Copy quote

• It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Matter

  11 Copy quote

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