Steven Wright Quotes - Page 8

Quotes about:

• If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Men

  6 Copy quote

• Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!

  Steven Wright

  Trying, Proud, Modest

  13 Copy quote

• Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Chickens

  14 Copy quote

• Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Lethal Injection

  9 Copy quote

• Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Fog

  11 Copy quote

• If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Use

  43 Copy quote

• I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Visionaries

  27 Copy quote

• Clones are people two.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Two

  11 Copy quote

• Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.

  Steven Wright

  Children, Nice, Home

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  59 Copy quote

• What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

  Steven Wright

  Animal, Plant

  23 Copy quote

• Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

  Steven Wright

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  13 Copy quote

• Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Art, Humor

  10 Copy quote

• I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Death, Suicide

  37 Copy quote

• I was watching the Superbowl with my 92 year old grandfather. The team scored a touchdown. They showed the instant replay. He thought they scored another one. I was gonna tell him, but I figured the game HE was watching was better.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Team, Humor

  16 Copy quote

• What do batteries run on?

  Steven Wright

  Running, Home, Energy

  7 Copy quote

• I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Life, Reading

  51 Copy quote

• I lost a button hole.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Buttons

  7 Copy quote

• I finally got around to reading the dictionary. Turns out the Zebra did it.

  Steven Wright

  Zebras, Reading, Turns

  "The Simpsons", TV Series (1989– ). "The Last Temptation of Krust", www.imdb.com. 1998.

  53 Copy quote

• I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Business, Humor

  57 Copy quote

• If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Tourists

  25 Copy quote

• I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Moving, Humor

  18 Copy quote

• I bought an ant farm. I don't know where I am going to get a tractor that small!

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Gardening, Ants

  28 Copy quote

• I collect rare photographs... I have two... One of Houdini locking his keys in his car... the other is a rare picture of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.

  Steven Wright

  Children, Keys, Two

  11 Copy quote

• Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

  Steven Wright

  Coffee, Comedy, Break

  64 Copy quote

• I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head.

  Steven Wright

  Guy, Laid Back, Looks

  18 Copy quote

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