Steven Wright Quotes - Page 6

Quotes about:

• Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Psychics

  19 Copy quote

• I heard that in relativity theory, space and time are the same thing. Einstein discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for his meetings.

  Steven Wright

  Space, Three, Showing Up

  6 Copy quote

• I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Work, Humor

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  18 Copy quote

• Why are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Building

  40 Copy quote

• You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Time, Fall

  8 Copy quote

• If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Summer, Humor

  101 Copy quote

• I wish the first word I ever said was the word "quote", so right before I die I could say "unquote".

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Wish

  "When the Leaves Blow Away". Documentary, Comedy, 2006.

  21 Copy quote

• Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Money, Humor

  8 Copy quote

• Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Orange

  21 Copy quote

• Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish. My dreams were broadcast all over the world.

  Steven Wright

  Dream, Night, World

  16 Copy quote

• I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Night

  57 Copy quote

• Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?

  Steven Wright

  Chess, Pawns, Pawn Shops

  10 Copy quote

• Hermits have no peer pressure.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Solitude

  20 Copy quote

• If you are sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Styrofoam

  26 Copy quote

• It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Work, Humor

  "The Secret of All Art" by James Altucher, www.huffingtonpost.com. August 3, 2015.

  23 Copy quote

• Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Use

  13 Copy quote

• The best kind of friend is the kind you sit with, never say a word and walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you ever had.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Feelings, Kind

  11 Copy quote

• If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Two

  26 Copy quote

• The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Christmas, Tired

  87 Copy quote

• I worked in a health food store once. A guy asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Ice

  57 Copy quote

• Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Night

  48 Copy quote

• How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Gun

  11 Copy quote

• They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Humor, Microwaves

  "When the Leaves Blow Away". Documentary, Comedy, 2006.

  66 Copy quote

• Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

  Steven Wright

  Laughing, Sense Of Humor, Cattle

  9 Copy quote

• My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

  Steven Wright

  Funny, Friendship, Witty

  22 Copy quote

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