Paula Poundstone Quotes

Quotes about:

• The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.

  Paula Poundstone

  Funny, Motivational, Cat

  97 Copy quote

• It's funny that we think of libraries as quiet demure places where we are shushed by dusty, bun-balancing, bespectacled women. The truth is libraries are raucous clubhouses for free speech, controversy and community. Librarians have stood up to the Patriot Act, sat down with noisy toddlers and reached out to illiterate adults. Libraries can never be shushed.

  Paula Poundstone

  Truth, Women, Book

  39 Copy quote

• Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas

  Paula Poundstone

  Children, Growing Up, Kids

  22 Copy quote

• The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.

  Paula Poundstone

  Funny, Time, Taken

  21 Copy quote

• I got my dog three years ago because I was drunk in a pet store. We had nine cats at the time. The cats started hiding the alcohol after that.

  Paula Poundstone

  Dog, Cat, Years

  24 Copy quote

• I get in fewer arguments when I'm alone.

  Paula Poundstone

  Argument, Fewer

  FaceBook post by PAULA POUNDSTONE from Aug 11, 2013

  10 Copy quote

• My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'

  Paula Poundstone

  Inspirational, Funny, Motivational

  16 Copy quote

• I have terrible short-term memory loss, which I like to think of as Presidential eligibility.

  Paula Poundstone

  Memories, Loss, Thinking

  "Paula Poundstone: Look What the Cat Dragged In". TV Movie, November 7, 2006.

  19 Copy quote

• I don’t believe for a second that weightlifting is a sport. They pick up a heavy thing and put it down again. To me, that’s indecision.

  Paula Poundstone

  Sports, Believe, Heavy Things

  23 Copy quote

• Remember when you were considered an environmentalist when you didn't throw junk out the car window? I sure do miss that simpler, happier time.

  Paula Poundstone

  Car, Missing, Junk

  22 Copy quote

• I’m an atheist. The good news about atheists is that we have no mandate to convert anyone. So you’ll never find me on your doorstep on a Saturday morning with a big smile saying ‘Just stopped by to tell you there is no word. I brought along this little blank book I was hoping you could take a look at.’

  Paula Poundstone

  Morning, Atheist, Book

  15 Copy quote

• Gay Republicans, how exactly does that work? 'We disapprove of our own lifestyle. We beat ourselves up in parking lots.

  Paula Poundstone

  Gay, Doe, Republican

  8 Copy quote

• I think we need a 12-step group for non-stop talkers. We're going to call it On and On Anon.

  Paula Poundstone

  Thinking, Groups, Needs

  8 Copy quote

• Can you remember when you didn't want to sleep? Isn't it inconceivable? I guess the definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep.

  Paula Poundstone

  Sleep, Definitions, Want

  13 Copy quote

• I hate it when my hair is engaged in unauthorized activities.

  Paula Poundstone

  Hate, Hair, Activity

  4 Copy quote

• When a woman extends her hand for you to shake it, then you shake her hand. You do not turn it up and kiss it. And it is just so creepy. Because, you know, I handed it at this angle. I handed it at the handshake angle and so I'm not giving it to you to do whatever you want with it. I'm not loaning it to you. It's like if somebody borrowed your lawnmower and you're assuming they're going to use it to mow their lawn. You don't want to find out later they put it in the ocean!

  Paula Poundstone

  Ocean, Kissing, Hands

  "Who's Bill This Time". "Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!" with Peter Sagal, www.npr.org. August 2, 2014.

  15 Copy quote

• It is my wish to die of unique causes, perhaps in a high-speed tricycle crash, a bizarre stapling incient, or as a result of inadvertently sucking my brains out through my ear while trying to untwist the vacuum hose.

  Paula Poundstone

  Unique, Wish To Die, Brain

  18 Copy quote

• What moron said that knowledge is power? Knowledge is power only if it doesn't depress you so much that it leaves you in an immobile heap at the end of your bed.

  Paula Poundstone

  Depressing, Bed, Knowledge Is Power

  "Lean, Green Fighting Machine" by Paula Poundstone, www.motherjones.com. March/April 1997.

  9 Copy quote

• I was court-ordered to Alcoholics Anonymous on television. Pretty much blows the hell out of the second A, wouldn't you say?

  Paula Poundstone

  Blow, Television, Hell

  11 Copy quote

• I was diagnosed a number of years ago with obsessive-compulsive disorder - which everyone has, to some degree - and I have this really annoying trait where in conversation, I always steer it back to something that happened to me.

  Paula Poundstone

  Years, Numbers, Degrees

  16 Copy quote

• The definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep.

  Paula Poundstone

  Sleep, Definitions, Want

  "At 59, What is My Favorite Cheap Thrill?" by Roz Warren, www.huffingtonpost.com. December 26, 2013.

  5 Copy quote

• I happen to be a devout atheist. I don't believe in God. I still go to church -- I'm not a heathen. I go to an atheist church. We have crippled guys who stand up and testify that they were crippled, and they still are.

  Paula Poundstone

  Atheist, Believe, Guy

  5 Copy quote

• My parents got carried away with the letter P when they were naming the kids in our family. There's me, Paula, my sisters Peggy and Patty, and my brother Pjimmy, spelled with a silent P.

  Paula Poundstone

  Brother, Kids, Names

  8 Copy quote

• I don't like sex ... I'm a single working mom with nine cats, a dog-shark, a lizard, and a bunny. I don't go to bed, I pass out. The idea that I'd get to my bed and there'd be someone in there with whom I was supposed to have an activity is horrifying to me.

  Paula Poundstone

  Mom, Dog, Sex

  7 Copy quote

• I don't need a holiday or a feast to feel grateful for my children, the sun, the moon, the roof over my head, music, and laughter, but I like to take this time to take the path of thanks less traveled.

  Paula Poundstone

  Laughter, Children, Grateful

  "Thanksgiving Is Not Just for Leftovers" by Paula Poundstone, www.huffingtonpost.com. November 26, 2008.

  17 Copy quote

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