Peter Sagal Quotes

Quotes about:

• A wedding invitation is a gift subpoena.

  Peter Sagal

  Wedding Invitation, Subpoenas, Invitations

  "Panel Round Two". "Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!", www.npr.org. February 16, 2013.

  10 Copy quote

• If the internet has taught us anything, it's that you want less news and more cats.

  Peter Sagal

  Cat, Taught Us, News

  "Heavy Petting". "Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!" with Peter Sagal, July 4, 2015.

  9 Copy quote

• We runners talk about having fun but I don't think anybody believes us. We talk about discipline and endurance, we take care, we exercise caution, we watch our diets and monitor our pace. We are ascetics who talk, unconvincingly, of the bracing enjoyment of self-abuse.

  Peter Sagal

  Fun, Believe, Exercise

  7 Copy quote

• NASA scientists announced the discovery of 50 new planets, among them what they're calling Super Earth. It's indistinguishable from regular earth until it removes its glasses.

  Peter Sagal

  Funny, Science, Discovery

  8 Copy quote

• Scientists have determined that the most irritating sound to the human ear is the sound of a knife cutting a glass bottle. And the second-worst sound is a fork scratching a glass bottle. Evidently they did all their research at the Picnic for Morons.

  Peter Sagal

  Funny, Cutting, Science

  9 Copy quote

• I am now gay 'cause I have watched Ronaldo...

  Peter Sagal

  Gay, Causes

  "Who's Bill This Time". "Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!" with Bill Kurtis, www.npr.org. June 27, 2014.

  7 Copy quote

• Buddhism - Tibetan Buddhism - teaches us many things, peace comes from within, we must be free ourselves from earthly desires...

  Peter Sagal

  Buddhism, Desire, Teach

  "Panel Round One". "Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!" with Peter Sagal, www.npr.org. September 26, 2015.

  4 Copy quote

• If self-driving cars are going to work - they're being tested now, as you know - the computers that drive them have to have lots of practice before they're allowed to get out in a real car on the roads.

  Peter Sagal

  Real, Self, Practice

  Source: www.npr.org

  4 Copy quote

• The Olympic Charter says winter sports must be played on snow or ice, so the Chess Federation says they'll play with ice pieces. The Olympic charter also says sports must be sports.

  Peter Sagal

  Sports, Winter, Ice

  "Lightning Fill In The Blank". "Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!" with Peter Sagal, www.npr.org. May 2, 2015.

  4 Copy quote

• Women are using makeup to make their eyes look puffy, their noses look red, and instead of going to the gym, they start their day with a brisk walk of shame.

  Peter Sagal

  Eye, Makeup, Red

  "Limericks". "Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!" with Peter Sagal, www.npr.org. August 15, 2015.

  4 Copy quote

• Our politicians screw up all the time, as we see. But with so many things, we're no longer the world leader in that.

  Peter Sagal

  Leader, Screw Ups, World

  "Bluff The Listener". "Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!", www.npr.org. September 17, 2016.

  4 Copy quote

• With two years till the nomination, both [Joe] Biden and [Hillary] Clinton are positioning themselves to be the Democratic nominee. And are they stressing their experience, their ideas, their excellent hair? No. They've been talking about their poverty.

  Peter Sagal

  Stress, Hair, Talking

  4 Copy quote

• Being a model seems like a dream job - lots of new clothes, cocaine, dates with Leonardo DiCaprio. But that's just for lady models.

  Peter Sagal

  Dream, Jobs, Clothes

  "Limericks". "Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!" with Peter Sagal, www.npr.org. October 1, 2016.

  6 Copy quote

• On Valentine's Day, couples in Calgary can celebrate their love for each other with couples' nude yoga - great way to get in shape and see a side of your partner you've never seen before and never want to see again.

  Peter Sagal

  Couple, Valentine, Yoga

  Source: www.npr.org

  7 Copy quote

• I love Salt Lake City. It's beautiful with all the great outdoors around you.

  Peter Sagal

  Beautiful, Lakes, Cities

  "Limericks". "Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!" with Peter Sagal, www.npr.org. February 13, 2016.

  5 Copy quote

• If you are using search data to decide what's fashionable, you are not fashionable.

  Peter Sagal

  Data, Fashionable, Ifs

  "Limericks". "Wait, Wait...Don't Tell Me!" with Peter Sagal, kdlg.org. May 2, 2015.

  4 Copy quote

• In the old days, we painstakingly copied our emails onto paper, put a stamp on them and mailed them to arrive 4 to 5 days later. We also churned our own butter and used our phones for talking.

  Peter Sagal

  Funny, Technology, Phones

  4 Copy quote

• [Joe] Biden countered. He was speaking at a summit for working families, and he said he had no stocks, no bonds, or a savings account. He then asked a Secret Service agent to hand him his hobo bindle, and he jumped a freight train back to D.C.

  Peter Sagal

  Hands, Secret, Hobos

  4 Copy quote

• Ben & Jerry's ice cream will try to make some marijuana ice cream, resulting in thousands of people simultaneously getting and curing ice cream headaches.

  Peter Sagal

  Marijuana, Ice Cream, People

  Source: www.npr.org

  7 Copy quote

• Look out sinners because if you do not go to confession, confession will come to you. The Catholic Church in northern England has launched a mobile confession unit called the Mercy Bus.

  Peter Sagal

  Catholic, Church, England

  "Limericks". "Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!" with Peter Sagal, www.npr.org. February 13, 2016.

  4 Copy quote

• Utah is close to becoming the latest state to legalize medical marijuana.But one DEA agent raised the alarm in front of the Utah legislature. He warned them that rabbits might eat the weed. And then what would you have? You'd have a bunch of weed-crazed rabbits running around. They'd run rampant in the state's cornfields and taco orchards.

  Peter Sagal

  Running, Weed, Marijuana

  "Limericks". "Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!" with Peter Sagal, www.npr.org. March 7, 2015.

  4 Copy quote

• According to Domino's head of marketing, whose job we are doing for her right now, quote, "it makes it easy for people to ask and receive something that they'll really use." It's cute. What better way to practice for your inevitable divorce than a gift you can easily divide evenly between the two of you?

  Peter Sagal

  Cute, Jobs, Divorce

  "Panel Round Two". "Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!" with Peter Sagal, wbaa.org. February 11, 2017.

  4 Copy quote

• The new French theme park based on Napoleon is named Napoleon's Bivouac, and will honor Napoleon with rides, battle reenactments, and the brutal March on Moscow ride. That's a walk-in freezer you stand in for 18 months while you try to eat a dead horse.

  Peter Sagal

  Funny, Travel, Horse

  4 Copy quote

• An Icelandic mayor goes on an anti-elf rant which gets him in trouble.

  Peter Sagal

  Goes On, Trouble, Mayors

  Source: www.npr.org

  4 Copy quote

• There's a common saying that everybody deep at heart loves their mother, except sometimes we decide our actual mothers don't measure up. And so we look for a replacement.

  Peter Sagal

  Mother, Heart, Looks

  Source: www.npr.org

  4 Copy quote

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