George Carlin Quotes - Page 24

Quotes about:

• When you start in the childhood period, when you begin to form a comic sense, it was the radio comedians - from the last days of radio and the first days of television. And Spike Jones. And the Marx Brothers. They represented anarchy. They took things that were nice and decent and proper, and they tore them to shreds. That attracted me.

  George Carlin

  Brother, Nice, Childhood

  10 Copy quote

• We're not supposed to mention f***ing in mixed company, but that's exactly where it takes place.

  George Carlin

  Humorous, Company

  8 Copy quote

• In the Navy, there is no wrong hole. In the Marines, there is always a hole.

  George Carlin

  Marine, Navy, Holes

  5 Copy quote

• Let's suppose we all just materialized on Earth and there was a bunch of potatoes on the ground, okay? There's just six of us. Only six humans. We come into a clearing and there's potatoes on the ground. Now, my instinct would be, let's everybody get some potatoes. "Everybody got a potato? Joey didn't get a potato! He's small, he can't hold as many potatoes. Give Joey some of your potatoes." "No, these are my potatoes!" That's the Republicans. "I collected more of them, I got a bigger pile of potatoes, they're mine. If you want some of them, you're going to have to give me something."

  George Carlin

  Giving, Earth, Republican

  7 Copy quote

• I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

  George Carlin

  Doctors, Comedy, Building

  George Carlin (2007). “The Best of Brain Droppings”, p.53, Peter Pauper Press, Inc.

  8 Copy quote

• Language is the most elementary aspect to our humanness, probably. In addition to that, it's the embodiment, it's the apotheosis of the human experience, it's the way we summarize ourselves.

  George Carlin

  Embodiment, Way, Apotheosis

  Source: mikestarling.weebly.com

  7 Copy quote

• Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.

  George Carlin

  Smile, Rain, Keep Smiling

  134 Copy quote

• And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?

  George Carlin

  Gay, People, Want

  5 Copy quote

• Who decides when the applause should die down? It seems like it's a group decision; everyone begins to say to themselves at the same time, "Well, okay, that's enough of that."

  George Carlin

  Decision, Groups, Enough

  George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

  4 Copy quote

• You can't be the fastest gun in town forever. There comes a time when you're not the golden boy, and you have to go off somewhere and figure yourself out.

  George Carlin

  Gun, Boys, Forever

  Source: www.avclub.com

  6 Copy quote

• I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.

  George Carlin

  Sleep, Animal, Vegetarian

  10 Copy quote

• I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Witty, Atheist

  George Carlin (2007). “The Best of Brain Droppings”, p.52, Peter Pauper Press, Inc.

  17 Copy quote

• Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

  George Carlin

  Gas Stations, Locks, Bathroom

  10 Copy quote

• Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?

  George Carlin

  Funny, Humor, Waiting Rooms

  10 Copy quote

• Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Sports, Humor

  George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

  69 Copy quote

• I think we’re part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand; a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is.

  George Carlin

  Thinking, Order, Judging

  8 Copy quote

• There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I'm free to dream.

  George Carlin

  Dream, Order, Two

  Source: reprints.longform.org

  10 Copy quote

• By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.

  George Carlin

  Mother, Voice, Laughing

  Source: reprints.longform.org

  15 Copy quote

• Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.

  George Carlin

  Two, Together, Schmucks

  7 Copy quote

• Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it's trying to save its body.

  George Carlin

  Fitness, America, Soul

  George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

  6 Copy quote

• For a while, I thought of myself as an atheist until I realized it was a belief, too. It's a shame everything has to have a label.

  George Carlin

  Atheist, Labels, Belief

  Las Vegas CityLife, August 09, 2007.

  13 Copy quote

• A crumb is a great thing: If you break a crumb in half, you don't get two half-crumbs, you get two crumbs. Doesn't that violate some law of physics?

  George Carlin

  Law, Two, Half

  7 Copy quote

• Everything beeps now.

  George Carlin

  Technology

  George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

  7 Copy quote

• Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.

  George Carlin

  Grandmother, Pie, Baking

  "George Carlin... It's Bad for Ya!", www.imdb.com. 2008.

  8 Copy quote

• Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.

  George Carlin

  Stupid, People, Hearing

  George Carlin (1998). “Brain Droppings”, Hyperion

  8 Copy quote

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