Rodney Dangerfield Quotes - Page 13

Quotes about:

• When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Sex, Age, Cases

  54 Copy quote

• School is a place were you go to eat your lunch

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, School, Lunch

  4 Copy quote

• I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough".

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Sex, Humor

  9 Copy quote

• My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Car

  5 Copy quote

• I once asked a policeman how far it was to the subway. he said, "I don't know, no one has ever made it".

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Subway

  8 Copy quote

• I'll tell ya, I don't get no respect... The other day, I got back from a business trip. I got in a cab and said to the driver, "Hey! Take me to where the action is!" So ya know where he took me? He took me to my house!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, House

  4 Copy quote

• My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Sex, Humor

  7 Copy quote

• [on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Half, Week, Hours

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  4 Copy quote

• I tell ya I got a stupid son. That's one load that shoulda been shot on the wall.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Wall, Stupid, Son

  4 Copy quote

• You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Two, Laughing, Car

  7 Copy quote

• It would be great if people never got angry at someone for doing something they've done themselves.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Love, Inspirational, Life

  "Rodney Dangerfield: What I've Learned" by Cal Fussman, www.esquire.com. January 29, 2007.

  4 Copy quote

• If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Fire, Making Love, Ifs

  6 Copy quote

• I can't get no respect.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Complaining, No Respect, Complaints

  4 Copy quote

• To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Ideas, Giving, Quitting

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.55, Zondervan

  6 Copy quote

• When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Wife, Bed, Opinion

  6 Copy quote

• My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Suicidal

  7 Copy quote

• I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Sex, Humor

  6 Copy quote

• With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Birthday, Men, Wife

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.34, Zondervan

  7 Copy quote

• My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Family, Growing Up

  4 Copy quote

• I told my doctor I got water on my knee, he gave me a sponge and raised his fee!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Doctors

  4 Copy quote

• I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Happiness, Writing, Reality

  "Rodney Dangerfield: What I've Learned" by Cal Fussman, www.esquire.com. January 29, 2007.

  4 Copy quote

• My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Cousin, Gay, London

  62 Copy quote

• She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Clothes, Tents, Omar

  4 Copy quote

• I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Confidence, Doctors, Giving

  "Rodney Dangerfield: What I've Learned" by Cal Fussman, www.esquire.com. January 29, 2007.

  4 Copy quote

• After I got divorced, I said to myself, I will never, ever get married again. It was in cement. I went through a really rough twenty-five years, but it happened again. I fell in love. I told her, Baby, I don't want a prenuptial agreement. This is it. Everyone told me I was nuts. Well, my new wife and I are married six years and we get along great. You can make anything work if you're both givers.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Baby, Agreement, Years

  "Rodney Dangerfield: What I've Learned" by Cal Fussman, www.esquire.com. January 29, 2007.

  5 Copy quote

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