Rodney Dangerfield Quotes About Wife

Quotes about: Wife

• My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Love, Funny, Life

  "Rodney Dangerfield" by Ronald Bergan, www.theguardian.com. October 6, 2004.

• It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Marriage, Dog, Couple

• I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Marriage, Hilarious

• I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Marriage, Hilarious

• My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Dental Floss, Wife, Kitchen

• My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Sex, Wife, Car

• I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny Relationship, Wine, Men

• My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Jealousy, Wife, Calendars

• My wife had her drivers’ test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Wife

• My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny Love, Love You, Dark

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you
  rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good
  at fractions.'

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Wife, Lovers, Scales

• My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Wife

• We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Dog, Play, Wife

• My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Inspirational, Sexy, Home

• My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Wife, Chocolate, Antlers

• I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough".

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Sex, Humor

• I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

• When my wife drives, there's always trouble. The other day she took the car. She came home. She told me, There's water in the carburetor. I asked her, Where's the car? She said, In a lake.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Home, Lakes, Water

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.28, Zondervan

• ...went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted. "Surprise me", I said. So he showed me a naked picture of my wife.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Wife, Naked, Bars

• I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Thinking, Doctors, Wife

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.178, Zondervan

• My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Suicidal

• I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Wife, Dating, Making Love

• My wife isn't very bright. The other day she was at the store, and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, "Did you see the guy that did it?" She said, "No, but I got the license plate."

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Wife

• My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Water, Wife

• Last week I told my wife, If you would learn to cook, I could fire the chef. She said, If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Fire, Wife, Making Love

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