Funny Relationship Quotes

• Don't smother each other. No one can grow in the shade.

  Leo Buscaglia

  Love, Relationship, Marriage

  79 Copy quote

• The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

  Robert Bloch

  Funny, Smile, Hilarious

  121 Copy quote

• Relationships are like farting, If you push too hard things could get messy real fast.

  Kevin Hart

  Real, Messy, Hard

  FaceBook post by Kevin Hart from Jan 03, 2012

  66 Copy quote

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• Treasure each other in the recognition that we do not know how long we shall have each other.

  Joshua L. Liebman

  Love, Friendship, Relationship

  21 Copy quote

• What I really need is a woman who loves me for my money but doesn't understand math.

  Mike Birbiglia

  Funny, Humor, Math

  31 Copy quote

• Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary.

  Oscar Wilde

  Love, Life, Crush

  379 Copy quote

• Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.

  Albert Einstein

  Change, Marriage, Valentines Day

  82 Copy quote

• People change and forget to tell each other.

  Lillian Hellman

  Relationship, Change, Marriage

  Lillian Hellman (1960). “Toys in the Attic: A Drama in Three Acts”, Dramatist's Play Service

  66 Copy quote

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• Be honest, brutally honest. That is what's going to maintain relationships.

  Lauryn Hill

  Relationship, Reality, Honest

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  75 Copy quote

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  There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

  Chris Rock

  Funny, Hilarious, Laughter

  121 Copy quote

• Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.

  Benjamin Franklin

  Family, Marriage, Funny Love

  Poor Richard's Almanack, June 1738

  42 Copy quote

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• Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.

  Bill Cosby

  Love, Women, Valentine

  Twitter post from Nov 18, 2009

  39 Copy quote

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• Friendship is love minus sex and plus reason. Love is friendship plus sex minus reason

  Mason Cooley

  Friendship, Funny Love, Sex

  67 Copy quote

• Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.

  Mark Twain

  Life, Broken Heart, Heartbreak

  649 Copy quote

• According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about women is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.

  Jay Leno

  Liars, Eye, Men

  20 Copy quote
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  To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it.

  Cary Grant

  Relationship, Money, Sex

  104 Copy quote

• Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

  Erma Bombeck

  Love, Marriage, Car

  22 Copy quote
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  Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.

  Marcel Proust

  Friendship, Happiness, Happy

  Marcel Proust (1957). “Pleasures and days: and other writings”

  1207 Copy quote

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• Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

  Hector Berlioz

  Life, Music, Death

  "About Time: Einstein's Unfinished Revolution". Book by Paul Davies, 1996.

  55 Copy quote

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• If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?

  Lily Tomlin

  Love, Answers, Please

  16 Copy quote

• Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.

  George Eliot

  Love, Friendship, Relationship

  165 Copy quote

• Men feel that women somehow drag them down, and women feel that way about men. It's possible that both are right.

  Mignon McLaughlin

  Men, Down And, Way

  Mignon McLaughlin (2014). “Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin”, p.48, BookBaby

  28 Copy quote

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• The wedding is where two people become one. The marriage is where they decide which one.

  Robert Breault

  Two, People

  7 Copy quote

• Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Relationship, Anniversary

  90 Copy quote

• Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Laughter

  59 Copy quote