Funny Relationship Quotes - Page 2

• I never want to be away from you again, except at work, in the restroom or when one of us is at a movie the other does not want to see.

  Daniel Handler

  Relationship, Movie, I Miss You

  "The Beatrice Letters". Book by Daniel Handler, 2006.

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• When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.

  Frederick Bushnell "Jack" Ryder

  Funny, Witty, Sex

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• When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

  Nora Ephron

  Love, Life, Relationship

  Nora Ephron (2011). “When Harry Met Sally. . .”, p.97, Knopf

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• Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.

  Mae West

  Love, Funny, Money

  147 Copy quote

• Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable.

  Cher

  Love, Funny, Break Up

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• I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Night, Phones, Wife

  9 Copy quote

• The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.

  Natalie Wood

  Funny, Success, Hilarious

  91 Copy quote

• I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Wine, Men, Wife

  68 Copy quote

• You're 40 and he's 22. Do you have to marry him? Couldn't you just adopt him?

  Ann Dunham

  36 Copy quote

• Normal is in the eye of the beholder.

  Whoopi Goldberg

  Encouraging, Witty, Eye

  21 Copy quote

• To grow in our ability to love ourselves we need to receive love as well.

  John Gray

  Relationship, Money, Needs

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• A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

  Joan Rivers

  Funny, Hilarious, Mistake

  "Funny Ladies" by B. Adler, (p. 147), 2001.

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• We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

  Lily Tomlin

  Witty, Sex, Believe

  36 Copy quote

• If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

  Regina Brett

  Funny, Relationship, Women

  17 Copy quote

• I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Marriage, Sarcastic

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

  Joan Rivers

  Funny Love, Love You, Romantic Love

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

  George Carlin

  Love, Funny, Cute Relationship

  22 Copy quote

• Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.

  Helen Rowland

  Funny, Birthday, Marriage

  Irvin S. Cobb, Mary Roberts Rinehart, Helen Rowland, Richard Saunders (2017). “We Should All Be So Feminine: We Should All Be a Feminist: We Should All Be Feminists”, p.53, Lulu.com

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• Love does not cause suffering: what causes it is the sense of ownership, which is love's opposite.

  Antoine de Saint-Exupery

  Love, Inspirational, Giving Up

  "Citadelle or The Wisdom of the Sands"by Antoine de Saint-Exupery, (p. 152), 1948.

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• A woman's flattery may inflate a man's head a little; but her criticism goes straight to his heart, and contracts it so that it can never again hold quite as much love for her.

  Helen Rowland

  Relationship, Heart, Men

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• If you really love one another, you will not be able to avoid making sacrifices.

  Mother Teresa

  Relationship, Sacrifice, Able

  Mother Teresa (1996). “In My Own Words”

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• What you call flaws are really just scars and wounds accumulated over a lifetime.

  Deepak Chopra

  Relationship, Scar, Flaws

  11 Copy quote

• A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that still doesn't mean she can't have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones.

  Cher

  Funny, Girl, Breakup

  49 Copy quote
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  My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

  Jack Benny

  Love, Funny, Relationship

  74 Copy quote

• Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.

  Steve Martin

  Funny, Sex, Humor

  16 Copy quote