Funny Relationship Quotes - Page 8

• If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Success, Witty

  20 Copy quote

• I never hated a man enough to give him diamonds back.

  Zsa Zsa Gabor

  Funny, Life, Marriage

  Quoted in Observer (London), 28 Aug. 1957

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• When you're drowning, you don't say 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would have the foresight to notice me drowning and come and help me,' you just scream.

  John Lennon

  Love, Inspirational, Life

  Jann Wenner, John Lennon (2001). “Lennon Remembers”, p.83, Verso

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• You never really know a man until you have divorced him.

  Zsa Zsa Gabor

  Divorce, Men, Red Shoes

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.

  Roseanne Barr

  Worry, House, Vacuums

  9 Copy quote

• Maybe the most that you can expect from a relationship that goes bad is to come out of it with a few good songs.

  Marianne Faithfull

  Song, Bad Relationship

  Marianne Faithfull (2000). “Faithfull: An Autobiography”, p.69, Cooper Square Press

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• My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

  Jimmy Durante

  Inspirational, Funny, Marriage

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip.

  Jonathan Carroll

  Love, Life, Valentines Day

  Jonathan Carroll (2005). “Outside the Dog Museum”, p.89, Macmillan

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• If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

  Johnny Carson

  Funny, Life, Clever

  36 Copy quote

• The male - I have found - is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.

  Jilly Cooper

  Marriage, Kindness, Women

  "Men and Supermen". Book by Jilly Cooper, 1972.

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• Ideally, couples need three lives; one for him, one for her, and one for them together.

  Jacqueline Bisset

  Couple, Together, Three

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Cute, Friends

  Erma Bombeck (2013). “The Erma Bombeck Collection: If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?, Motherhood, and The Grass Is Always Greener Over the Septic Tank”, p.477, Open Road Media

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• Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla.

  Jim Bishop

  Daughter, Dad, Being Single

  93 Copy quote

• Trust is the glue of life. It's the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It's the foundational principle that holds all relationships.

  Stephen Covey

  Relationship, Trust, Boyfriend

  Stephen R. Covey, A. Roger Merrill, Rebecca R. Merrill (1995). “First Things First”, p.203, Simon and Schuster

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• My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Love, Funny, Life

  "Rodney Dangerfield" by Ronald Bergan, www.theguardian.com. October 6, 2004.

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• When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

  Albert Einstein

  Funny, Girl, Witty

  "News Chronicle" (March 14, 1949), as cited by "The Columbia World of Quotations", 1996.

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• Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one.

  Glenn Beck

  Love, Lying, Romance

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• All diseases run into one, old age.

  Ralph Waldo Emerson

  Running, Hair, Getting Older

  Journals

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• The secret of ugliness consists not in irregularity, but in being uninteresting.

  Ralph Waldo Emerson

  Secret Love, Being Nice, Irregularity

  Ralph Waldo Emerson (1870). “The Prose Works of Ralph Waldo Emerson”, p.476, Рипол Классик

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• A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

  Erma Bombeck

  Funny, Friendship, Laughter

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• In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.

  Jane Austen

  Love, Romantic, Pride

  Jane Austen (1819). “Pride and Prejudice: A Novel”, p.123

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• A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself -- to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart

  Leo Buscaglia

  Love, Relationship, Marriage

  202 Copy quote

• I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.

  Mark Twain

  Inspirational, Death, Sarcastic

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• Life is like a ten speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use.

  Charles M. Schulz

  Funny, Life, Happiness

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• When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

  Rita Rudner

  Love, Funny, Life

  127 Copy quote