Funny Relationship Quotes - Page 6

• It's been said a thousand ways by hundreds of different people through the years, but is still as true as ever. If mamma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. Yellow H.
  Most couples have not had hundreds of arguments; they've had the same argument hundreds of times.

  Gay Hendricks

  Couple, Years, Yellow

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• Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off.

  Ralph Wycherley

  Funny, Children, Light

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• I honestly thought my marriage would work because me and the wife did share a sense of humour. We had to really, because she didn't have one.

  Frank Skinner

  Wife, Share, Humour

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• Never marry a man you wouldn't want to be divorced from.

  Nora Ephron

  Men, Want, Divorced

  Nora Ephron (2014). “The Most of Nora Ephron”, p.336, Random House

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• It's no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn't even speak to each other if they met at a party.

  Nick Hornby

  Relationship, Boyfriend, Husband

  Nick Hornby (1996). “High Fidelity”, p.128, Penguin

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• Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Hilarious, Sexy

  Quoted in N.Y. Times, 1 Dec. 1975

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• A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

  Conan O'Brien

  Inspirational, Funny, Women

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• Tenderness emerges from the fact that the two persons, longing, as all individuals do, to overcome the separateness and isolation to which we are all heir because we are individuals, can participate in a relationship that, for the moment, is not of two isolated selves but a union

  Rollo May

  Love, Life, Self

  "Love and Will". Book by Rollo May (p. 313), 1969.

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• He has no enemies, but he is intensely disliked by his friends.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Friendship, Sarcastic

  "The Works of Oscar Wilde".

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• My mother's last word to me clanks inside me like an iron bell that someone beats at dinnertime: love, love, love, love, love.

  Cheryl Strayed

  Mother, Iron, Bells

  Cheryl Strayed (2013). “Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Someone Who’s Been There”, p.16, Atlantic Books Ltd

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• I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their intellects. A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

  Oscar Wilde

  Character, Men, Choices

  The Picture of Dorian Gray ch. 1 (1891)

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• Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?

  Barbra Streisand

  Inspirational, Funny, Success

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• Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike.

  Oscar Wilde

  Inspirational, Funny, Inspiring

  An Ideal Husband act 2 (1895)

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• Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Marriage, Women

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• The absolute yearning of one human body for another particular body and its indifference to substitutes is one of life's major mysteries.

  Iris Murdoch

  Life, Relationship, Marriage

  Iris Murdoch (2003). “The Black Prince”, p.273, Penguin

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• A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

  Michel de Montaigne

  Anniversary, Marriage, Wedding

  Attributed to "Essais" by Michel de Montaigne, Book I, Ch. 20, 1595.

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• My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Moving, Florida, Law

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• I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.

  Arnold Schwarzenegger

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  Interview with Playboy, January 1988.

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• Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Sexy, Sex And Love

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• Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.

  W. Somerset Maugham

  Love, Sarcastic, Depressing

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• You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap!

  Dolly Parton

  Fashion, Funny Valentines Day, Looks

  Twitter post from Jan 30, 2015

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• My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'

  Paula Poundstone

  Inspirational, Funny, Motivational

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• I swear, by my life and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.

  Ayn Rand

  Life, Relationship, Bad Ass

  Atlas Shrugged pt. 3, ch. 1 (1957)

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• Old age has deformities enough of its own. It should never add to them the deformity of vice.

  Eleanor Roosevelt

  Age, Vices, Add

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• Between lovers a little confession is a dangerous thing.

  Helen Rowland

  Love, Relationship, Littles

  Helen Rowland (1909). “Reflections of a Bachelor Girl”

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