Funny Valentines Day Quotes

• Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

  Groucho Marx

  Love, Funny, Witty

  153 Copy quote

• Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

  Phyllis Diller

  Funny, Anniversary, Marriage

  Phyllis Diller's Housekeeping Hints (1966)

  98 Copy quote

  Show source

• All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

  Charles M. Schulz

  Love, Funny, Valentines Day

  272 Copy quote

• If you have only one smile in you give it to the people you love.

  Maya Angelou

  Inspirational, Life, Smile

  Maya Angelou (2012). “The Collected Autobiographies of Maya Angelou”, p.424, Modern Library

  94 Copy quote

  Show source

• You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

  Dr. Seuss

  Love, Life, Relationship

  604 Copy quote
• 

  Love may not make the world go round, but I must admit that it makes the ride worthwhile.

  Sean Connery

  Love, Boyfriend, Valentines Day

  35 Copy quote

• If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

  Dorothy Parker

  Funny, Anniversary, Valentines Day

  102 Copy quote

• I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.

  Robert Orben

  Valentines Day, Girl, Heart

  Robert Orben (1969). “The Ad-libber's Handbook: 2000 New Laughs for Speakers”

  11 Copy quote

  Show source

• Love is a game that two can play and both win.

  Eva Gabor

  Love, Valentines Day, Fun

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  66 Copy quote

  Show source

• Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.

  Albert Einstein

  Change, Marriage, Valentines Day

  82 Copy quote

• A kiss makes the heart young again and wipes out the years.

  Rupert Brooke

  Love, Relationship, Valentines Day

  60 Copy quote

• Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Romantic, Valentines Day

  99 Copy quote

• I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

  Rita Rudner

  Love, Funny, Life

  258 Copy quote

• We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere.

  Tim McGraw

  Life, Best Friend, Success

  96 Copy quote

• Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th.

  David Letterman

  Valentines Day, Together, Beets

  21 Copy quote

• Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a, well, it's a manufactured day that really doesn't mean anything.

  Jon Stewart

  Funny, Valentine, Mean

  18 Copy quote

• Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.

  Jules Renard

  Love, Inspirational, Valentines Day

  99 Copy quote

• I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?

  Zsa Zsa Gabor

  Thank You, Valentines Day, Funny Love

  152 Copy quote

• Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.

  Mickey Rooney

  Funny, Marriage, Wedding

  "Philip French's screen legends" by Philip French, www.theguardian.com. May 15, 2010.

  16 Copy quote

  Show source

• If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.

  A. A. Milne

  Love, Friendship, Birthday

  "Winnie-the-Pooh: The House at Pooh Corner". Book by A. A. Milne, 1928.

  146 Copy quote

  Show source

• True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.

  Erich Segal

  Love, Inspiring, Valentines Day

  88 Copy quote

• The art of love is largely the art of persistence.

  Albert Ellis

  Love, Relationship, Inspiring

  15 Copy quote

• This is love: to fly toward a secret sky

  Rumi

  Valentines Day, Sky, Making Love

  Jalāl al-Dīn Rūmī (Maulana), Jelaluddin Rumi, Kabir Helminski, Andrew Harvey (2005). “The Rumi Collection: An Anthology of Translations of Mevlâna Jalâluddin Rumi”, p.53, Shambhala Publications

  24 Copy quote

  Show source

• You know you're in love when you stop comparing.

  Mason Cooley

  Love, Romantic, Wedding

  56 Copy quote

• Valentine's Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don't have a special someone, you're alone.

  Lewis Black

  Holiday, Special, Valentine's Day

  12 Copy quote