Jay Leno Quotes

Quotes about:

• This problem with illegal immigration is nothing new. In fact, the Indians had a special name for it. They called it "white people."

  Jay Leno

  Names, White, People

  23 Copy quote

• Form 1040 was chosen by the IRS because for every $50 you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.

  Jay Leno

  Liberty, Irs, Libertarian

  8 Copy quote

• Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Money, Epic

  177 Copy quote

• We should make politicians dress like race car drivers -- when they get money, make them wear the company logos on their suit.

  Jay Leno

  Race, Car, Dresses

  11 Copy quote

• You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Relationship, Laughter

  98 Copy quote

• Yesterday morning Facebook was temporarily offline, leaving millions of workers unable to do anything except their jobs.

  Jay Leno

  Morning, Jobs, Yesterday

  22 Copy quote

• This is a strange country we live in. When it comes to electing a President, we get two choices. But when we have to select a Miss America, we get 50.

  Jay Leno

  Country, Two, America

  12 Copy quote

• According to a new poll, 50 percent of Americans think the country is divided. The other 50 percent think it isn't.

  Jay Leno

  Country, Thinking, Polls

  5 Copy quote

• Marriage is grand. Divorce is about twenty grand.

  Jay Leno

  Divorce, Twenties, After Divorce

  10 Copy quote

• The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Christmas, Wise

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  105 Copy quote

• And some sad news... the first lesbian couple to legally get married in the state of Massachusetts has split up. They cited irreconcilable similarities.

  Jay Leno

  Couple, Massachusetts, News

  "The Tonight Show", July 24, 2006.

  5 Copy quote

• If you restore a car, and you're making money, then you're doing it wrong.

  Jay Leno

  Car, Making Money, Ifs

  6 Copy quote

• If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Voting, Political Wisdom

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  14 Copy quote

• A new study found that people who are depressed have a greater risk of stroke. Well that should cheer them up.

  Jay Leno

  Depression, Cheer, People

  6 Copy quote

• President James Garfield could write in Latin with one hand while writing in Greek with the other. I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

  Jay Leno

  Latin, Writing, Hands

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  9 Copy quote

• For the first time ever, women are scoring higher than men on IQ tests. Scientists say it has something to do with breast implants -- not that it makes the women smarter, it just makes the men dumber.

  Jay Leno

  Women, Tests, Firsts

  12 Copy quote

• Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag

  Jay Leno

  Red Flags, Taxes Funny, Example

  52 Copy quote

• If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.

  Jay Leno

  Apology, Hollywood, Boulevard

  9 Copy quote

• The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.

  Jay Leno

  Inspirational, Funny, New York

  10 Copy quote

• Scientists think they can now clone an all-white zebra. Now, I'm no expert, but isn't that a horse?

  Jay Leno

  Horse, Zebras, Thinking

  43 Copy quote

• In a groundbreaking move, the Associated Press, the largest news-gathering organization in the World, will no longer use the term 'illegal immigrant'. They will now use the phrase 'undocumented democrat'.

  Jay Leno

  Moving, Organization, Phrases

  26 Copy quote

• At the Sharper Image store, I saw a body fat analyzer. Didn't that used to be called a mirror?

  Jay Leno

  Mirrors, Saws, Body

  9 Copy quote

• I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet tall, so I couldn't play basketball. I'm only 190 pounds, so I couldn't play football, and I have 20/20 vision, so I couldn't be a referee.

  Jay Leno

  Basketball, Sports, Football

  42 Copy quote

• Financial experts are saying we are entering a new chapter in the American economy. I believe it's Chapter 11.

  Jay Leno

  Believe, Experts, Entering

  9 Copy quote

• Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Romantic, Valentines Day

  99 Copy quote

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