Jay Leno Quotes About Clinton

Quotes about: Clinton

• Forty million Americans smoked marijuana; the only ones who didn’t like it were Judge Ginsberg, Clarence Thomas and Bill Clinton.

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Weed, Marijuana

• It is day two of the Democratic convention, and apparently they had a huge lighting problem in the convention hall today. They worked all day on it. They still couldn't get President Obama out of Bill Clinton's shadow.

  Jay Leno

  Two, President, Shadow

• According to New York publishers, Bill Clinton will get more money for his book than Hillary Clinton got for hers. Well, duh. At least his book has some sex in it.

  Jay Leno

  Sex, New York, Book

• There is a new book out about Hillary Clinton that claims Bill is still having affairs but Hillary continues to look the other way. The only problem is when Hillary does look the other way Bill's having sex with a women over there too.

  Jay Leno

  Sex, Book, Doe

• The report on climate change said that humans are very likely making the planet warmer. To which Hillary Clinton said, 'Hey, can't blame me for that one.'

  Jay Leno

  Climate, Hey, Blame

• They say if the warming trend continues, by 2015 Hillary Clinton might actually thaw out.

  Jay Leno

  Trends, Might, Global Warming

• Clinton's pet Labrador, Buddy, is getting neutered. The dog will never have sex again. Overnight, they've turned Buddy from a Democrat into a Republican.

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Dog, Sex

• CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

  Jay Leno

  Cheating, Strong Women, Husband

• When Clinton said he was going to create 8 million new jobs, I didn't think they were all going to be tax collectors.

  Jay Leno

  Jobs, Thinking, New Job

• Hillary Clinton's opponent in the U.S. Senate race, the Republican she's going to be running against, has been married three times, had an affair with his chief of staff, had two kids with her while still married to his second wife. This is the first time in history that a Clinton is the 'family values' candidate.

  Jay Leno

  Running, Kids, Two

• John Kerry was the big winner in Iowa. Ted Kennedy introduced Kerry as the 'comeback kid.' That used to be Bill Clinton's name - because every time he would come back to a city, he would find out if he had a kid or not.

  Jay Leno

  Kids, Iowa, Cities

• Bin Laden was once targeted by President Clinton. President Clinton wanted to kill him but couldn't get him. Of course not, we all know what kind of aim Clinton has.

  Jay Leno

  President, Kind, Clinton

• Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton is now facing a kind of personal dilemma. She can't decide whether to drop the name Clinton from her name, or drop the name Rodham. They can't figure out which one is more embarrassing.

  Jay Leno

  Names, Kind, Embarrassing

• President Clinton and President Obama played a round of golf over the weekend. President Clinton asked Obama what his handicap was, and Obama said, 'Joe Biden.'

  Jay Leno

  Golf, Weekend, President

• I guess we didn't even officially apologize. Jesse Jackson called on the United States to officially apologize to the Chinese. Jesse said, 'An apology is not a sign of weakness.' And as President Clinton has taught us, an apology isn't even a sign you're sorry.

  Jay Leno

  Sorry, Apology, Taught Us

• More and more facts coming out about Osama bin Laden. You know, he never sleeps in the same place two nights in a row, just like Clinton.

  Jay Leno

  Sleep, Night, Two

• While President Bush was out of town Hillary Clinton stopped by the White House on Friday for an important meeting with her decorator.

  Jay Leno

  Friday, White, House

• I guess you heard, Hillary Clinton has a new campaign slogan: "I've fallen and I can't get up!"

  Jay Leno

  Campaigns, Get Up, Clinton

• A new poll shows that Americans now believe that Bill Clinton is more honest than President Bush. At least when Clinton screwed the nation, he did it one person at a time.

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Believe, President

  "Scarborough Country" with Joe Scarborough, www.nbcnews.com. May 19, 2006.

• Jesse Jackson's in trouble. They're going after this tax thing. Jesse said he will amend his taxes to show the money that he paid to his mistress. See, he has just one mistress. Jesse uses the standard mistress deduction. As opposed to Clinton, who had to itemize.

  Jay Leno

  Mistress, Use, Trouble

• A second Homeland Security official has been arrested, a 49-year-old guy named Frank Figueroa, he was caught exposing and fondling himself to a teenage girl in a shopping mall in Florida. Do you realize? If Osama bin Laden was a 14-year old girl, we would have had him by now. ... Who is going to start protecting us from the Department of Homeland Security? ... It kind of makes you long for the good old wholesome days of the Clinton administration.

  Jay Leno

  Girl, Teenage, Florida

• Bill Clinton is the only ex-president who hasn't planned his own funeral. But, in his defense, in the past he has said he wants to be buried next to Hillary. I guess he figures he never slept next to her when they were alive, might as well try it now that they're dead.

  Jay Leno

  Past, Funeral, Trying

• Clinton vetoed the repeal of the marriage tax. I guess Bill figures if he's married, then we all have to suffer.

  Jay Leno

  Suffering, Bills, Married

• Now, today is the day we honor, of course, the Presidents, ranging from George Washington, who couldn't tell a lie, to George Bush, who couldn't tell the truth, to Bill Clinton, who couldn't tell the difference.

  Jay Leno

  Lying, Today Is The Day, Differences

  "The Tonight Show" with Jay Leno, February 19, 2007.

• The New York Times is reporting that back in the '60s, presidential candidate Howard Dean used a letter from a doctor about a back condition to keep himself out of the draft in Vietnam and then spent 10 months skiing. Well it sounds like he's done the impossible. He actually made Bill Clinton and George Bush look like war heroes.

  Jay Leno

  New York, War, Hero

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