Craig Ferguson Quotes

Quotes about:

• I think when you become a parent you go from being a star in the movie of your own life to the supporting player in the movie of someone else's.

  Craig Ferguson

  Stars, Player, Thinking

  49 Copy quote

• If you watch cooking shows on cable, they have lots of British people. Because when you think good cooking, you immediately think Britain.

  Craig Ferguson

  Thinking, People, Cooking

  4 Copy quote

• ...slow down and self-edit and ask yourself the three things you must always ask yourself before you say anything: "Does this need to be said?" "Does this need to be said by me?" "Does this need to be said by me now?"

  Craig Ferguson

  Self, Say Anything, Doe

  21 Copy quote

• ....maybe fear is God's way of saying, "Pay attention, this could be fun.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Humor, Attention

  7 Copy quote

• Gas prices - it is $6 a gallon here. People in L.A. are furious. You can't tell, of course, because of the Botox.

  Craig Ferguson

  People, Botox, Gas

  4 Copy quote

• Laughter separates us from despair and gives us a chance at love.

  Craig Ferguson

  Laughter, Giving, Despair

  "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson", 2005-2014.

  13 Copy quote

• Tomorrow's just your future yesterday.

  Craig Ferguson

  Yesterday, Tomorrow, Your Future

  11 Copy quote

• There's something I believe wholeheartedly: Cynicism is the true refuge of the pseudo-intellectual, .. Cynicism is easy. Joy is an extremely advanced spiritual and intellectual tenet.

  Craig Ferguson

  Spiritual, Believe, Joy

  16 Copy quote

• Evil does not question itself. Only Hope questions itself.

  Craig Ferguson

  Evil, Doe, Bumblebees

  Craig Ferguson (2010). “Between the Bridge and the River: A Novel”, p.112, Chronicle Books

  7 Copy quote

• I think we look back at times past with fondness because we were younger. Life had not yet begun pecking away at our innocence like buzzards on fresh road kill.

  Craig Ferguson

  Past, Thinking, Looks

  6 Copy quote

• A casino in South Dakota was robbed by a man dressed as a mummy. The police described the suspect as anywhere between 25 and 8,000 years old.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Humor, Men

  5 Copy quote

• These days, teachers have it rough. Kids can be hyperactive, disobedient, and obnoxious. It must feel like being locked in a room of drunk midgets.

  Craig Ferguson

  Teacher, Teaching, Kids

  14 Copy quote

• Alcohol ruined me financially and morally, broke my heart and the hearts of too many others. Even though it did this to me and it almost killed me and I haven't touched a drop of it in seventeen years, sometimes I wonder if I could get away with drinking some now. I totally subscribe to the notion that alcoholism is a mental illness because thinking like that is clearly insane.

  Craig Ferguson

  Money, Drinking, Heart

  11 Copy quote

• Whether I or anyone else accepted the concept of alcoholism as a disease didn't matter; what mattered was that when treated as a disease, those who suffered from it were most likely to recover.

  Craig Ferguson

  Recovery, Addiction, Alcohol

  15 Copy quote

• If it doesn't work, at least it will be an interesting train wreck.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Humor, Train Wrecks

  11 Copy quote

• Other than the laws of physics, rules have never really worked out for me.

  Craig Ferguson

  Law, Physics, Laws Of Physics

  11 Copy quote

• Self help books are pointless. Here's something for you... Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and self help books are from Uranus.

  Craig Ferguson

  Book, Men, Self

  "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson", www.imdb.com. 2005-2015.

  4 Copy quote

• Tomorrow is your future's yesterday.

  Craig Ferguson

  Yesterday, Tomorrow, Your Future

  5 Copy quote

• I remember talking to someone early on after I was sober about how I suddenly felt awkward at parties. They said, 'Well, you're supposed to. Everyone feels awkward at parties.' It's an appropriate feeling to feel.

  Craig Ferguson

  Party, Talking, Awkward

  4 Copy quote

• I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn’t fashionable.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

  13 Copy quote

• Everything I think of now is too rude to actually say.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

  4 Copy quote

• I'm so excited about the new iPad, I just iPeed my iPants.

  Craig Ferguson

  Ipads, Excited

  7 Copy quote

• This story is true. Of course, there are many lies therein and most of it did not happen, but it's all true. In that sense it is deeply religious, perhaps even biblical.

  Craig Ferguson

  Religious, Lying, Biblical

  Craig Ferguson (2010). “Between the Bridge and the River: A Novel”, p.9, Chronicle Books

  18 Copy quote

• I freely admit I'm confused. I'm a confused and troubled individual but at the same time...Its Free!

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Confused, Humor

  53 Copy quote

• A new survey says one in three adults will be dressing up for Halloween. As for me, I'm not going to do anything. I'm going as Congress.

  Craig Ferguson

  Halloween, Dressing Up, Adults

  18 Copy quote

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