Craig Ferguson Quotes About Giving

Quotes about: Giving

• If I start giving people what they like I'll turn into one of them and I don't want to be one of them I want to be one of me.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Humor, People

• In some countries Women's Day is a national holiday and men give women flowers. In America Women's Day falls on another holiday, Mardi Gras, where men give women beads in the respectful and post-feminist desire to see their naked boobies.

  Craig Ferguson

  Country, Fall, Flower

• For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote: I give you the world. Have fun blowing it up.

  Craig Ferguson

  Fun, Years, Giving

• Laughter separates us from despair and gives us a chance at love.

  Craig Ferguson

  Laughter, Giving, Despair

  "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson", 2005-2014.

• School did give me one of the greatest gifts of my life, though. I learned how to read, and for that I remain thankful. I would have died otherwise. As soon as I was able, I read, alone. Under the covers with a flashlight or in my corner of the attic—I sought solace in books. It was from books that I started to get an inkling of the kinds of assholes I was dealing with. I found allies too, in books, characters my age who were going through or had triumphed against the same bullshit.

  Craig Ferguson

  Book, School, Character

• Valentine's Day is celebrated a little differently here in L.A. Nobody eats chocolate because of the calories, so people give each other tofu-shaped boxes filled with bean curd. Then they fantasize about what their Pilates instructor would be like if he was straight.

  Craig Ferguson

  Valentine, People, Giving

• Being the executive producer of a film is not that difficult. It just means that you have some power. There's not a huge amount of skill involved, I don't know how much I'm giving away here. I feel like that guy on Fox, giving away the magicians' tricks. It's not rocket science, being an executive producer of a film.

  Craig Ferguson

  Mean, Skills, Giving

• They say give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. But teach a man to fish and he'll get his own show on the Discovery Channel.

  Craig Ferguson

  Men, Discovery, Teach A Man To Fish

• North Korea announced that they have nuclear weapons and they have no plans to give them up. The White House, acting quickly, announced their plan to invade Iran.

  Craig Ferguson

  Iran, Korea, White

• There is a new bill in the Senate that is upsetting a lot of people. This bill would give the President the power to shut off the Internet. Al Gore is strongly opposed to it. Not because he invented the Internet. Because he did. But because he just signed up for Match.com.

  Craig Ferguson

  Giving, People, Upset

• The rain is giving much needed relief to California's crops. By that I mean 'marijuana.'

  Craig Ferguson

  Rain, Mean, Marijuana

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