Craig Ferguson Funny Quotes

Quotes about: Funny

• I love zombies. If any monster could Riverdance, it would be zombies.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Zombie, Monsters

• If I start giving people what they like I'll turn into one of them and I don't want to be one of them I want to be one of me.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Humor, People

• Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Dance, Football

• Thanks cows. I appreciate your tastiness.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Humor, Appreciate

• I'm gonna enjoy being old I think I'll be awesome at it.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

• I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Thanksgiving, Football

• Its easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Christmas, Spiritual

• It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Fear, Humor

• ....maybe fear is God's way of saying, "Pay attention, this could be fun.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Humor, Attention

• I freely admit I'm confused. I'm a confused and troubled individual but at the same time...Its Free!

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Confused, Humor

• Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Humor, Night

• They were singing, Gillette, the best a man can get, with a lot of guys hugging their fathers and sailing and riding bikes. I suddenly felt a long way from the best a man could get and I thought it would be nice to get from there to the best.

  Craig Ferguson

  Inspirational, Funny, Father

• This book could scare them. The sex, the violence, the dream sequences and the iconoclasm - I think a lot of people are uncomfortable with that. I understand that. It was very uncomfortable to write some of it

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Dream, Sex

• I only like sports that Bond villains played.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Sports, Humor

  "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson". www.imdb.com. 2005-2015.

• If it doesn't work, at least it will be an interesting train wreck.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Humor, Train Wrecks

• I have a beard. Just not on my face.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Humor, Beard

  "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson". www.imdb.com. 2005-2015.

• I don't like the whole blowing the candles out ritual... blowing their germs all over the cake. If I want to catch something on my birthday. I don't want it to be from the cake. If you know what I'm saying.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Humor, Cake

  "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson". www.imdb.com. 2005-2015.

• I enjoy bathing, as many Europeans don't.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Humor, Enjoy

  "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson", 2005-2014.

• Wait! Don't applaud my cheapness! I've got other crap I need help with!

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Humor, Waiting

  "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson", www.imdb.com. (2005-2015).

• People sometimes say to me: "Craig, get out of my garden."

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Humor, Garden

  "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson", www.imdb.com. 2005-2015.

• A casino in South Dakota was robbed by a man dressed as a mummy. The police described the suspect as anywhere between 25 and 8,000 years old.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Humor, Men

• Welcome back, my cheeky wee monkeys.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Humor, Monkeys

  "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson", www.imdb.com. 2005-2015.

• If you're frightened of leprechauns, the best thing to do is to get yourself a little leprechaun outfit and see how big they are. And then you'll go, 'Well I see. That's like bein' frightened of a hampster.'

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Humor, Littles

• I think the scores for Olympic gymnastics are affected by what countries the judge and the gymnast are from. That's wrong. That type of political pandering isn't meant for gymnastic Olympic events. It's meant for the Supreme Court.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Country, Gymnastics

• Why don't they allow professional wrestling at the Olympics? They allow pro basketball players and hockey players. Olympic pro wrestling would be awesome. The team from Mexico could wear those Mr. X masks. The French wrestler could hit his opponent with a baguette. Or perhaps just surrender.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Basketball, Team

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