Craig Ferguson Quotes - Page 10

Quotes about:

• This book could scare them. The sex, the violence, the dream sequences and the iconoclasm - I think a lot of people are uncomfortable with that. I understand that. It was very uncomfortable to write some of it

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Dream, Sex

  4 Copy quote

• My mother was tickled and I think kind of proud when my father got hit on my an attractive middle-aged Asian lady who hadn't noticed he was with his family. He was certainly pleased about it.

  Craig Ferguson

  Marriage, Mother, Father

  4 Copy quote

• Climate change is a serious problem. We all need to do what we can. Unless that means I've got to change stuff. Then I'm not doing it.

  Craig Ferguson

  Mean, Climate, Needs

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• Now that healthcare is guaranteed, I'm frying everything I eat. Fried food and cigarettes.

  Craig Ferguson

  Healthcare, Cigarette, Fried Food

  4 Copy quote

• The Bible has been through at least half a dozen translations by the time you read it. Plus, when the word of God is infected by the hand of man, that is, written down, it is tainted.

  Craig Ferguson

  Men, Hands, Half

  Craig Ferguson (2010). “Between the Bridge and the River: A Novel”, p.214, Chronicle Books

  4 Copy quote

• World War Z is out today. The big zombie movie. The trailer looks scary. You see hordes of bodies climbing and rolling over each other. It's like Black Friday at the mall.

  Craig Ferguson

  Friday, War, Climbing

  4 Copy quote

• I'm always a bit shy around evil people.

  Craig Ferguson

  Evil People, Shy, Bits

  Craig Ferguson (2009). “American on Purpose: The Improbable Adventures of an Unlikely Patriot”, p.3, Harper Collins

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• It was on this day that the Bahamas declared independence. Before that they were a British colony. The British Empire lost Canada and the Bahamas, to name just a couple. Britain's been dumped more times than Taylor Swift. But did they go writing whining songs about it? No.

  Craig Ferguson

  Song, Couple, Writing

  10 Copy quote

• There's going to be a new cable-TV channel for dogs. Dogs don't even watch TV. But the schedule came out today. And they've got great shows, like Barks & Recreation and Game of Bones.

  Craig Ferguson

  Dog, Games, Today

  4 Copy quote

• You should never protest outside a rich guy's home during the day because he's not there. He's at work grinding the faces of the poor.

  Craig Ferguson

  Home, Funny Work, Guy

  5 Copy quote

• These days, young people watch TV on smartphones and computers. Young people with an actual TV set are harder to find than a picture of Anthony Weiner with his clothes on.

  Craig Ferguson

  Smartphones, Clothes, People

  4 Copy quote

• You gotta laugh because if you didn't you'd cry

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Laughter, Humor

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• What we do have is nothin' but time. Welcome to the Shawshank Redemption of late night!

  Craig Ferguson

  Night, Redemption, Welcome

  "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson". www.imdb.com. 2005-2015.

  4 Copy quote

• The virus in the movie 'Contagion' is based on the bird flu which came out of nowhere back in 2008. Everyone thought it was going to change the way we live and it just faded away. Wait a minute, I'm talking about President Obama.

  Craig Ferguson

  Talking, Bird, Waiting

  4 Copy quote

• I know that's not the right accent, but I can't do the right accent. It's either the wrong accent or another Octomom joke.

  Craig Ferguson

  Accents, Jokes, Knows

  "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson". www.imdb.com. 2005-2015.

  4 Copy quote

• Ocean's 13 is all about cool people having a good time, and who doesn't want to see that? Well you, apparantly, 'cause you're watching me.

  Craig Ferguson

  Ocean, People, Want

  "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson". www.imdb.com. 2005-2015.

  4 Copy quote

• The sexy magazine in Britain in that time was called Club International. Club International: It was about as international as the International House of Pancakes. It should have been called Naked Cockney Girls with Scurvy.

  Craig Ferguson

  Girl, Sexy, Should Have

  "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson". www.imdb.com. 2005-2015.

  7 Copy quote

• You know, where I come from, an antique, to be called an antique, it has to be at least a hundred years old. That's a law: before you can call something an antique, it has to be a hundred years old. In L.A., something that's been around for a couple of weeks is an antique. It's true! People are like, Look at this old-fashioned iPod. Look at this! It's the size of a man's hand! Ha ha ha ha. Back then-back then, people thought Mel Gibson was just acting crazy. It was a very different time.

  Craig Ferguson

  Couple, Crazy, Men

  "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson". www.imdb.com. 2005-2015.

  4 Copy quote

• The idea of having Australians upset at me is just awful.

  Craig Ferguson

  Ideas, Upset, Awful

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• My pilot's license. I'm proud of that.

  Craig Ferguson

  Proud, Pilots, License

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• I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Father, Son

  7 Copy quote

• Fat is where comedy is stored.

  Craig Ferguson

  Comedy, Fats

  4 Copy quote

• I haven't had a drink in thirteen years, but occasionally I'm tempted to have one beer. The problem is that if I have that one beer, I wake up in Tijuana four days later with a tattoo and a sore ass.

  Craig Ferguson

  Tattoo, Beer, Years

  "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson", en.wikiquote.org. 2005 - 2014.

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• Delaware Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell said recently that Hollywood needs to re-evaluate what they're doing because movies these days are all filled with gay sex and extramarital affairs. And I thought, 'Have fun in Congress then.

  Craig Ferguson

  Sex, Fun, Gay

  4 Copy quote

• My son's always showing me pictures of dinosaurs and asking me what their names are. I dont know so I make stuff up: That son is a thesaurus.

  Craig Ferguson

  Son, Names, Asking

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