Taxes Funny Quotes

• In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.

  Benjamin Franklin

  Death, Money, Business

  Letter to Jean Baptiste Le Roy, 13 Nov. 1789

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• A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Fine, Taxes

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• A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it.

  Ann Landers

  Being Thankful, Pay, Tax Day

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• What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Money, Differences

  Notebook, Dec. 1902

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• Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.

  Oscar Wilde

  Happiness, Marriage, Men

  Oscar Wilde (2007). “Epigrams of Oscar Wilde”, p.11, Wordsworth Editions

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• The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward.

  John Maynard Keynes

  Funny, Business, Humor

  "A Dictionary of Scientific Quotations" by Alan L. MacKay, (p. 140), 1977.

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  Collecting more taxes than is absolutely necessary is legalized robbery.

  Calvin Coolidge

  Presidential, Liberty, Taxation

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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• There is no such thing as a good tax.

  Winston Churchill

  Business, Income Tax, Tax Day

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• I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is - I could be just as proud for half the money

  Arthur Godfrey

  Funny, Money, Humor

  Quoted in Reader's Digest, Oct. 1951

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• We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.

  Winston Churchill

  Freedom, Humor, Men

  Winston S. Churchill “Young Statesman”

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• Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag

  Jay Leno

  Red Flags, Example, Looks

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• America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation.

  Laurence J. Peter

  Land, America, Taxation

  Dr. Laurence J. Peter (2013). “Peter's Quotations: Ideas for Our Times”, p.46, Harper Collins

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• It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta

  Dave Barry

  Income, Irs, Taxation

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• A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Inspirational, Funny, Witty

  Everybody's Political What's What? ch. 30 (1944)

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• Taxes, after all, are dues that we pay for the privileges of membership in an organized society.

  Franklin D. Roosevelt

  Taxation, Pay, Membership

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• The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians.

  Steve Forbes

  Funny, Business, Cutting

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• You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.

  Chris Rock

  Inspirational, Government, Taxation

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• A fool and his money are soon elected.

  Will Rogers

  Funny, Sarcastic, Money

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• Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?

  Peg Bracken

  Memorable, Cutting, Two

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• Death, taxes and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them.

  Margaret Mitchell

  Birthday, Death, Time

  Gone with theWind pt. 4, ch. 38 (1936) See Benjamin Franklin 41; Proverbs 63

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• An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.

  Fred Allen

  Funny, Humor, Income

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• Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose you more money than any single person in your life, with the possible exception of your kids

  Harvey Mackay

  Kids, Taxation, More Money

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• Taxes are indeed very heavy -
  We are taxed twice as much by our Idleness.
  Three times as much by our Pride.
  And four times as much by our Folly.

  Benjamin Franklin

  Pride, Three, Taxation

  Benjamin Franklin, William-Temple Franklin (1818). “Memoirs of the Life and Writings of (the Same), Continued to the Time of His Death by William Temple Franklin. - London, H. Colburn 1818”, p.248

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• When there is an income tax, the just man will pay more and the unjust less on the same amount of income.

  Plato

  Inspirational, Plato, Men

  Plato (1977). “The Portable Plato”, p.185, Penguin

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• Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.

  Herman Wouk

  Book, Income, Fiction

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