Andrew Dice Clay Quotes

Quotes about:

• Little Boy Blue... he needed the money!

  Andrew Dice Clay

  Boys, Blue, Littles

  Andrew Dice Clay, David Ritz (2016). “The Filthy Truth”, p.177, Simon and Schuster

  120 Copy quote

• If it smells like fish its a dish. If it smells like cologne leave it alone.

  Andrew Dice Clay

  Smell, Dishes, Fishes

  122 Copy quote

• There was an old lady who lived in a shoe. She had so many kids... her uterus fell out!

  Andrew Dice Clay

  Kids, Shoes, Uterus

  139 Copy quote

• When you jerk off, you're saying "Hey", I care about me.

  Andrew Dice Clay

  Hey, Care, Jerk

  "Dice Rules". Comedy, Documentary, 1991.

  124 Copy quote

• Women today leave the house in animal prints and six inch stilettos, what does that say? I'm going to church? They're saying I want you to hang me by my tits from your ceiling and bite my ass. You know what I mean? That's what it says to me anyway.

  Andrew Dice Clay

  Mean, Animal, House

  Source: brightestyoungthings.com

  59 Copy quote

• Life is like sex, baby - the more you put in, the more you get out. End of story.

  Andrew Dice Clay

  Baby, Sex, Life Is Like

  101 Copy quote

• I think the best part of being gay is when you're done [with sex], you could turn over and talk about football.

  Andrew Dice Clay

  Football, Sex, Gay

  59 Copy quote

• Don't most men actually think that the more money they spend on a date, the more fingers they get to stick in your pussy before they kiss you goodnight?

  Andrew Dice Clay

  Kissing, Men, Thinking

  108 Copy quote

• I'm not the greatest husband - I've got a girlfriend. It doesn't really please my wife, but then if I was looking to please her I wouldn't have a girlfriend. I mean she knows about it, and I guess she's okay with it. Plus my kids like both of them.

  Andrew Dice Clay

  Girlfriend, Husband, Mean

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  76 Copy quote

• By the time kids are 15, they're drunks and they're drug addicts and they're getting chicks pregnant. The parents wonder, "What did I do wrong?" What you did wrong was, you were never there. You had the kid as a status symbol, that's what went wrong. And you're paying the price for it.

  Andrew Dice Clay

  Kids, Parent, Drug

  Source: www.huffingtonpost.com

  83 Copy quote

• Whether you're gay, straight, you can't tell anybody who to love and who to marry. It's unconstitutional and it's morally wrong.

  Andrew Dice Clay

  Gay, Unconstitutional

  Source: www.slate.com

  86 Copy quote

• I always wanted to give people the more exciting version of what I think a comedian should be - because I didn't grow up with comics, I grew up with rock 'n' roll. And when I saw a lot of comics, no matter how good they might have been material-wise, I would get a little bored with them after 10 minutes, only because I feel comedians don't really know performance.

  Andrew Dice Clay

  Wise, Growing Up, Thinking

  Source: www.slate.com

  77 Copy quote

• Women today are the biggest pigs today in history. They are just the dirtiest, nastiest slobs. I don't know how old your chick is, but the truth of the matter is they've become the aggressors. You know? They're upset if you're not balls deep in them by half way through the first date! They think you don't like them.

  Andrew Dice Clay

  Thinking, Pigs, Upset

  Source: brightestyoungthings.com

  7 Copy quote

• I lived in Beverly Hills for years. I always had a line, “I hate the rich.” From what I witnessed after living there for 15 years, these people just don’t raise their kids. I used to see the lineup of cars in front of the schools and it was all the nannies.

  Andrew Dice Clay

  Hate, School, Kids

  "Andrew Dice Clay On ‘Indestructible,’ His Comeback And Why He Hates Internet Porn". Interview with Ross Luippold, www.huffingtonpost.com. December 26, 2012.

  60 Copy quote

• Anything that I wanted to do in my career that I wanted to do always worked out. The stuff I got talked into always failed. All the stuff I was talked into, by brilliant managers, because it always came down to, "Know how much money you'll make?" And then it would just fail.

  Andrew Dice Clay

  Careers, Stuff, Brilliant

  Source: brightestyoungthings.com

  10 Copy quote

• I'm an animal. I'm an animal in real-life and an animal onstage. I never became a recluse, I never lived up in the Hills where I didn't see real life. You know what I mean? I'm not still living in Brooklyn, but I'm still living in the street. I go out by myself, I don't go out with a million body guards, I run my own errands.

  Andrew Dice Clay

  Running, Real, Mean

  Source: brightestyoungthings.com

  8 Copy quote

• I've been getting in trouble my whole life and I really don't care what anybody thinks of what I do on stage as a comic.

  Andrew Dice Clay

  Thinking, Care, Trouble

  "Andrew Dice Clay is back with 'no apologies'" by Alan Duke, www.cnn.com. December 29, 2012.

  52 Copy quote

• I just like to make people laugh.

  Andrew Dice Clay

  People, Laughing, Making People Laugh

  Biography/Person Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  15 Copy quote

• I always just loved women, but more important than loving women, more important than sexual stuff, is I always believed in romance.

  Andrew Dice Clay

  Romance, Important, Stuff

  Source: www.pbs.org

  56 Copy quote

• You gotta be happy when you wake up in the morning and look at what's next to ya. You wanna just hop on it again. That's how I feel. That's what life is about. Because when you leave the house, it's all misery anyway.

  Andrew Dice Clay

  Morning, House, Looks

  Source: brightestyoungthings.com

  12 Copy quote

• I'll always push myself because that's the journey of life. We do go through things. Some of it's incredibly great and some of it's really bad.

  Andrew Dice Clay

  Journey, Life Journey

  Source: collider.com

  51 Copy quote

• Even as a stage performer, I have my garb which is leather jackets and black jeans to make me feel a certain way. The wardrobe is really important to feeling the character you're playing.

  Andrew Dice Clay

  Character, Leather Jackets, Jeans

  Source: collider.com

  40 Copy quote

• I think that a lot of men, especially once they're married, feel like their girl is just who she is, so don't treat her too special. They shut her off, and having sex before you go to bed is like a sleeping pill. I always say, you're supposed to remember the reason you even asked that girl out.

  Andrew Dice Clay

  Girl, Sex, Sleep

  Source: www.huffingtonpost.com

  39 Copy quote

• If you hide what you really are, then there's going to be problems in marriage down the road. I don't mind if a girl is aggressive. It's just sex.

  Andrew Dice Clay

  Girl, Sex, Mind

  Source: www.huffingtonpost.com

  56 Copy quote

• I do whatever I do. I go to the club. I work on material. While other people are sleeping, I'm awake. I always liked that. I like being able to drive when there's no traffic. It's almost like you own the street at night.

  Andrew Dice Clay

  Sleep, Night, People

  Interview with David Wolinsky, www.avclub.com. May 14, 2008.

  25 Copy quote

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