My life is nothing but pressure. All pressure. This pressure is like a heaviness. It's always on top of me, this heaviness. It's always there since I'm a kid. Other people wake up in the morning, 'A new day! Ah, up and at 'em!' I wake up, the heaviness is waiting for me nice. Sometimes I even talk to it. I say [adopts cheerful voice] 'Hi, heaviness!' and the heaviness looks back at me, [in an ominous growl] 'Today you're gonna get it good. You'll be drinking early today.'
When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could ... but he pulled through.
I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer."
To me, Viagra is the same as Disneyland. You wait an hour for a two-minute ride.
At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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