Rodney Dangerfield Quotes - Page 11

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A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.

Rodney Dangerfield

Heaven, Three, Tails

"Rodney Dangerfield: What I've Learned" by Cal Fussman, www.esquire.com. January 29, 2007.

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I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny, Girl, Sex

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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.

Rodney Dangerfield

Home, Wife, Pot

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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.

Rodney Dangerfield

Lonely, Bottom, Lonely At The Top

"Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

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I tell ya, I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my dad kept the kid's picture that came with the wallet he bought.

Rodney Dangerfield

Dad, Kids, Ugly

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I tell ya, I don't get no respect ... Last week, my wife told me that she was going to cut me down to twice a month. But I thought about it, and I figured that it wasn't too bad. I know a couple of guys that she cut out completely.

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny, Couple, Humor

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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny, Cute, Boyfriend

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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.

Rodney Dangerfield

Attitude, Teenager, World

"Rodney Dangerfield: What I've Learned" by Cal Fussman, www.esquire.com. January 29, 2007.

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I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny, Girl, Humorous

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With girls, I don't think right. I had a date with one girl, she had mirrors all over her bedroom. She told me to come over and bring a bottle. I got Windex.

Rodney Dangerfield

Girl, Thinking, Mirrors

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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!

Rodney Dangerfield

Men, Childhood, Firsts

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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny, Humor, Blow

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Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

Rodney Dangerfield

Motivational, Positive, Work

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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny, Humor, Men

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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny, Moving, Home

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Last Halloween a kid tried to rip my face off. He thought it was a mask. Now it's different when I open the door the kids hand me candy.

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny, Halloween, Rip

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I've learned to control everything. I don't get angry at anything. Somebody can do me wrong. That's life. What good is it to get angry?

Rodney Dangerfield

I've Learned, Can Do, Angry

"Rodney Dangerfield: What I've Learned" by Cal Fussman, www.esquire.com. January 29, 2007.

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My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There is a pair of shoes on the dashboard. They belong to the last guy she hit

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny, Zoos, Humor

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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny, Girl, Humor

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If I could have dinner with anyone who lived in history, it would depend on the restaurant.

Rodney Dangerfield

History, Dinner, Restaurants

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My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio.

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny, Humor, Parent

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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.

Rodney Dangerfield

Morning, Sex, Night

Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.117, Zondervan

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I got my first break and became a singing waiter at eighteen or nineteen. I couldn't make a living at it. I quit. Then I got married and sold aluminum siding. My wife had problems physically. It was not good.

Rodney Dangerfield

Wife, Singing, Nineteen

"Rodney Dangerfield: What I've Learned" by Cal Fussman, www.esquire.com. January 29, 2007.

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I have three kids, one of each.

Rodney Dangerfield

Funny, Humor, Kids

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It's tough to stay married. My wife says no because she's tired then stays up and reads her book.

Rodney Dangerfield

Book, Tired, Wife

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Born: November 22, 1921
Died: October 5, 2004
Occupation: Comedian
Cite this Page: Citation

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