Rodney Dangerfield Quotes - Page 8

Quotes about:

• Comedy is a camouflage for depression.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Camouflage, Comedy

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  24 Copy quote

• I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Sex, Humor

  4 Copy quote

• I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Hurt, Real

  12 Copy quote

• Comedy is in my blood. Too bad it's not in my act.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Blood, Comedy

  8 Copy quote

• Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Running, Witty

  34 Copy quote

• With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Respect, Hands, Wife

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.83, Zondervan

  8 Copy quote

• I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Beach, Children, Parent

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  6 Copy quote

• I was an ugly kid; when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Suicidal, Kids, Cutting

  "It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect But Plenty of Sex and Drugs". Book by Rodney Dangerfield, p. 4, 2004.

  9 Copy quote

• She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Ugly, Faces, Sundials

  9 Copy quote

• During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Girlfriend, Sex

  "R.I.P. Rodney Dangerfield". www.indiewire.com. October 6, 2004.

  11 Copy quote

• I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Believe, Hypochondriac

  12 Copy quote

• I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher"!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Wife

  12 Copy quote

• And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Girlfriend, Humor

  4 Copy quote

• I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Sports, Fighting, Hockey

  65 Copy quote

• Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Kids

  9 Copy quote

• My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Kids, Scotch, Bird

  10 Copy quote

• I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Mother, Doctors, No Respect

  6 Copy quote

• Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Love, Marriage, Thinking

  15 Copy quote

• It's nice to be the best, but not when being the best brings out the worst in you.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Inspirational, Motivational, Nice

  9 Copy quote

• My boy is a mean kid. I came home the other day and saw him taping worms to the sidewalk, he sits there and watches the birds get hernias. Well, only last Christmas I gave him a B-B gun and he gave me a sweatshirt with a bulls-eye on the back. I told my kids, "Someday, you'll have kids of your own." One of them said, "So will you."

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Home, Mean, Kids

  39 Copy quote

• When you walk up five flights of stairs at four in the morning, there's definitely a hooker involved.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Morning, Four, Flight

  "Rodney Dangerfield: What I've Learned" by Cal Fussman, www.esquire.com. January 29, 2007.

  12 Copy quote

• Hey, did somebody step on a duck?

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Ducks, Hey, Steps

  4 Copy quote

• I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Running, Respect, Romance

  13 Copy quote

• My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Men, Checks, Allowance

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.21, Zondervan

  11 Copy quote

• I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Beautiful, Girl, Mets

  9 Copy quote

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