Rodney Dangerfield Quotes - Page 4

Quotes about:

• My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Cutting, Two, Wife

  19 Copy quote

• With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Dog, Humor

  9 Copy quote

• When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Doctors, Confusion, Looks

  7 Copy quote

• I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Happy, Fathers Day, Dad

  "R.I.P. Rodney Dangerfield", www.indiewire.com. October 6, 2004.

  19 Copy quote

• I feel sorry for short people, you know. When it rains, they're the last to know.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Sorry, Rain, People

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  18 Copy quote

• He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Laughing, Lasts, Firsts

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.122, Zondervan

  17 Copy quote

• I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Respect, Flight, Dishes

  19 Copy quote

• When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Mother, Running, Respect

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.32, Zondervan

  7 Copy quote

• I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Drinking, Juice, Viagra

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  40 Copy quote

• My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Wife, Chocolate, Antlers

  18 Copy quote

• I bought a new Japanese car, I turned on the radio ... I don't understand a word they're saying.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Car, Radio

  11 Copy quote

• I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Wife

  19 Copy quote

• My family was a bunch of drunks. When I was six I came up missing, they put my picture on a bottle of scotch.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Scotch, Missing, Bottles

  18 Copy quote

• You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Beach, Believe, Men

  15 Copy quote

• They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Self, Jerk, Neighbor

  Rodney Dangerfield (2009). “It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs”, p.152, Zondervan

  20 Copy quote

• The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Night, Muggers, Mask

  13 Copy quote

• A hooker once told me she had a headache.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Headache

  21 Copy quote

• My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Sex, Wife, Car

  24 Copy quote

• I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Girl, Humor

  50 Copy quote

• I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Horse, Gun, Gambling

  21 Copy quote

• I went to a massage parlor, it was self service.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Self

  9 Copy quote

• My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Baseball, Father, Play

  11 Copy quote

• If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Sex, Humor

  12 Copy quote

• My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Good Morning, Mother

  85 Copy quote

• When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Humor, Kids

  7 Copy quote

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