David Letterman Quotes About Security

Quotes about: Security

• John Kerry told Tom Ridge he was too busy to receive a Homeland Security briefing. I thought that was odd, since you're not supposed to ignore terrorist threats until after you become president.

  David Letterman

  President, Busy, Odd

• Public service announcement: In case of a terrorist attack, bottled water and duct tape are not going to do a damn thing. So do what Homeland Security Dir. Tom Ridge does: Get really drunk, and pick up a hooker.

  David Letterman

  Water, Drunk, Doe

• Newt Gingrich says he wants to get rid of Social Security. Who is more qualified to give this country financial advice than a guy who ran up a half-million dollar bill at Tiffany?

  David Letterman

  Country, Giving, Guy

• I just heard George W. Bush's new plan for airline security. From here on out, every plane will now have its own hockey dad.

  David Letterman

  Dad, Hockey, Planes

• Since 1980, there have been 91 breaches of security at the White House. Well, 92 if you count George Bush.

  David Letterman

  White, House, Wells

• Security here in New York City is still very tight. Hookers in Times Square now are demanding two forms of fake ID.

  David Letterman

  New York, Squares, Cities

• They're doing everything they can to tighten security at the White House. Today, on the roof of the White House, they added one of those fake owls.

  David Letterman

  White, Fake, House

• Last night we had Bill Clinton, the former president. Security was as tight as Governor Christie's yoga pants.

  David Letterman

  Yoga, Night, President

• I have nothing against the North Koreans but this Kim Jong Un has got a screw loose. A member of his cabinet, his security minister, nods off, falls sleep. We've all done it. Kim Jong Un takes the guy out and has him executed, just for just falling asleep. Oh, and he was also deflating footballs.

  David Letterman

  Football, Fall, Sleep

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