David Letterman Quotes About House

Quotes about: House

• The White House is saying Donald Trump has 'zero percent chance' of being elected. Isn't that a little high?

  David Letterman

  Zero, White, House

• The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

  David Letterman

  Funny, Sarcastic, Writing

• The White House says that the vacation in Texas will give President Bush the chance to unwind. My question is, when does the guy wind?

  David Letterman

  Vacation, Texas, Wind

• The White House has now put together a website for kids. It's a website to teach kids how to manage a budget responsibly. The website is called ' Irony.gov. '

  David Letterman

  Kids, White, House

• Tim Tebow may be back in the NFL with the Philadelphia Eagles. As you remember, he was thrown out of the league when he landed his gyrocopter on the White House lawn.

  David Letterman

  Eagles, Nfl, White

• I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal.

  David Letterman

  Sex, White, House

• I spend most of my free time under the house.

  David Letterman

  House, Free Time

• Kids in Washington every year have the big Easter egg roll on the White House lawn. The kids found 300 Easter eggs. They also found about 10,000 missing Hillary emails.

  David Letterman

  Easter, Kids, Years

• When Martha gets out she'll be under house arrest in her big $40 million mansion in Bedford. Boy, that'll teach her. She's only allowed out of the house for doctors visits, grocery shopping, or to dump more stock.

  David Letterman

  Boys, Doctors, Shopping

  "Jailhouse Epiphanies - March 6, 2005". abcnews.go.com.

• But I was thinking about this, the Obamas want to adopt a stray dog from the pound. And I think that is admirable. I believe the last president to bring a stray dog into the White House got impeached.

  David Letterman

  Dog, Believe, Thinking

• Some Secret Service guys crashed a car into the White House. And they had been drinking when it happened. Actually, they hit a barrier trying to get to the White House. It's the same thing that is happening to Hillary.

  David Letterman

  Drinking, White, Car

• According to the recent polls, Bush has a slight lead over John Kerry. So today, Bush hung a banner over the White House saying, 'Mission Accomplished.'

  David Letterman

  White, House, Today

• Over the weekend, of course, down there in Washington, D.C., they had the big White House Correspondents' Dinner. Do you know who was really funny? President Obama. So funny, in fact, he has already been promised 'The Tonight Show' in five years.

  David Letterman

  Weekend, Years, White

• Today was opening day for the new Congress in Washington. And Vice President Joe Biden swore in the new batch of White House fence jumpers.

  David Letterman

  White, House, President

• There was an embarrassing moment in the White House earlier today. They were looking around while searching for George Bush's military records. They actually found some old Al Gore ballots.

  David Letterman

  Military, White, House

• President Obama and his family are spending the holidays in Hawaii, and while they're gone, they got a fence jumper to house sit. Tomorrow, he will be in Hawaii playing golf with Raul Castro and the Pope.

  David Letterman

  Holiday, Golf, House

• Osama bin Laden... lived in one house for, like, six years with three wives. And earlier today, they ruled his death was a suicide.

  David Letterman

  Suicide, Years, Wife

• They're doing everything they can to tighten security at the White House. Today, on the roof of the White House, they added one of those fake owls.

  David Letterman

  White, Fake, House

• Obama took a tour of the Great Wall of China and said, 'We need one of these things around the White House.'

  David Letterman

  Wall, White, House

• Barack Obama's busy moving into the White House. Earlier today, John McCain was blowing on his soup.

  David Letterman

  Moving, White, House

• Since 1980, there have been 91 breaches of security at the White House. Well, 92 if you count George Bush.

  David Letterman

  White, House, Wells

• Bill Clinton may in fact be moving back into the White House. And coincidentally I'm thinking about moving back into my mother's house.

  David Letterman

  Mother, Moving, Thinking

• George W. said he doesn't watch television. And, of course, well - the reason for that is the Clintons stole the White House satellite system.

  David Letterman

  White, House, Television

• The White House has announced that they no longer recognize Fox as a news organization, which puts them about eight years behind the rest of us.

  David Letterman

  Eight, Years, Organization

• At the White House, they caught another fence jumper earlier today. It was Obama trying to get out.

  David Letterman

  White, House, Trying

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