Henny Youngman Quotes - Page 8

Quotes about:

• I'd commit suicide, if I could do it without killing myself.

  Henny Youngman

  Suicide, Killing, Commit

  8 Copy quote

• Are you Polish? Okay, I'll talk slower.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Okay

  5 Copy quote

• My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?

  Henny Youngman

  New York, Dad, Drinking

  11 Copy quote

• On dancing on pointe: Why don't they just get taller girls?

  Henny Youngman

  Girl, Dancing, Ballet

  8 Copy quote

• A little man is running a jewelry store. A man runs in saying, Okay, take my watch, put on a new band, install a new battery, clean the case, install a new crystal, and tune it up. I will be back in a half hour for it. Thanks! and runs out the door. The little jeweler says, C-C-C-Come in?

  Henny Youngman

  Running, Men, Doors

  7 Copy quote

• He doesn't get ulcers - he gives them.

  Henny Youngman

  Giving, Ulcers, Insult

  Henny Youngman (1994). “Henny Youngman's Bar Jokes, Bar Bets and Bar Tricks”, Outlet

  8 Copy quote

• Why does the New Italian navy have glass bottom boats? To see the Old Italian Navy!

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Italian

  7 Copy quote

• Take my wife... Please!

  Henny Youngman

  Wife, My Wife, Please

  Henny Youngman (2014). “Take My Wife, Please!: Henny Youngman's Giant Book of Jokes”, Skyhorse Publishing Inc.

  4 Copy quote

• I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. "Peanuts. Popcorn."

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Theatre, Firsts

  8 Copy quote

• I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.

  Henny Youngman

  Airplane, Vegas, Gambling

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  8 Copy quote

• I know a guy who had his doctor say, "Take some weight off, go to a health club." The man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off!

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Men

  4 Copy quote

• The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Keys

  4 Copy quote

• My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Family, Brother

  6 Copy quote

• Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Divorce

  Amazon Women on the Moon, www.imdb.com. 1987.

  10 Copy quote

• My wife loves to shop at Bloomingdale's. I bring her mail there twice a week.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Wife

  4 Copy quote

• This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Numbers

  20 Copy quote

• I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Jobs, Humor

  4 Copy quote

• I've kissed so many women I can do it with my eyes closed.

  Henny Youngman

  Eye, I Can Do It, Can Do

  Henny Youngman (1994). “Henny Youngman's Bar Jokes, Bar Bets and Bar Tricks”, Outlet

  5 Copy quote

• Are you married? What do you do for agravation?

  Henny Youngman

  Married

  7 Copy quote

• Those bellhops in Miami are tip-happy. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the bellboy made fifty-two trips to my room.

  Henny Youngman

  Two, Cards, Fifty

  7 Copy quote

• I live about four muggings from Central Park.

  Henny Youngman

  Central Park, Four, Parks

  8 Copy quote

• I bought my wife a little Italian car. A Mafia. It has a hood under the hood.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Italian

  4 Copy quote

• A baby-sitter is a teenager who gets two dollars an hour to eat five dollars' worth of your food.

  Henny Youngman

  Inspirational, Baby, Teenage

  8 Copy quote

• A tough guy told me, "I'll bet you $10 you're dead." I was afraid to bet him.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Guy

  7 Copy quote

• She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Girl, Humor

  10 Copy quote

Page 8 of 10

First

← Prev

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

Next →

• facebook
• twitter
• googleplus
• email
• linkedin