Henny Youngman Quotes About Comedy

Quotes about: Comedy

• When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Health, Doctors

• A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Get Well, Humor

• I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.

  Henny Youngman

  Love, Funny, Anniversary

• While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

  Henny Youngman

  Golf, Two, Balls

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Horse, Humor

• Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Thinking, Men

• My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Family, Time

• There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Girl, Humor

• He had a defect, which to a comic might be fatal. He wasn't funny.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Might, Comedy

  Henny Youngman (1994). “Henny Youngman's Bar Jokes, Bar Bets and Bar Tricks”, Outlet

• I'll never forget my first words in the theatre. "Peanuts. Popcorn."

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Theatre, Firsts

• Some people play a horse to win, some to place. I should have bet this horse to live.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Horse, Winning

• You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Nice, Humor

  Henny Youngman (1994). “Henny Youngman's Bar Jokes, Bar Bets and Bar Tricks”, Outlet

• This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!

  Henny Youngman

  Inspirational, Funny, Graduation

• My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?

  Henny Youngman

  New York, Dad, Drinking

• She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

  Henny Youngman

  Marriage, Faces, Comedy

• This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Women, Humor

• I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Time, Humor

• If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Life, Humor

  Henny Youngman (1994). “Henny Youngman's Bar Jokes, Bar Bets and Bar Tricks”, Outlet

• Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Men

• You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Comedy

• I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.

  Henny Youngman

  Taken, Men, Car

• She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Girl, Humor

• Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Couple, Humor

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