Henny Youngman Quotes About Cars

Quotes about: Cars

• A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?

  Henny Youngman

  Husband, Fall, Home

• A Polish terrorist was sent to blow up a car. He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe!

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Blow

• A Jewish man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?" "No" says the cop. "What about all these other cars?" "They didn't ask!"

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Men

• My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Family, Brother

• I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There is water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake."

  Henny Youngman

  Lakes, Water, Wife

• A Polish guy locked his keys in the car. It took an hour to get his wife out.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Keys

• I bought my wife a little Italian car. A Mafia. It has a hood under the hood.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Italian

• I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Home, Humor

• A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Men

• I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.

  Henny Youngman

  Taken, Men, Car

• I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.

  Henny Youngman

  Car, Flattery

• When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
  My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

  Henny Youngman

  Husband, Men, Doors

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