Henny Youngman Quotes About House

Quotes about: House

• A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?

  Henny Youngman

  Husband, Fall, Home

• A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away. The next day, the man says, Did you do what I told you to? Yes, I sure did. By the way, you have a nice house!

  Henny Youngman

  Nice, Men, Next Day

• A man goes to a barbershop and asks, How many ahead of me? Five. The man leaves. He comes back the next day and asks, How many ahead of me? Four. The man leaves. He comes back the next day and asks, How many ahead of me? Six. The man leaves, and the barber says to another, Follow that man! The man comes back and says, He goes to your house!

  Henny Youngman

  Men, Next Day, House

• Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Marriage, Women

• Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Awards, Wife

• Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house.

  Henny Youngman

  House, Experts, Divorced

• I told my mother-in-law my house is your house. So she sold it.

  Henny Youngman

  Mother, Law, House

• facebook
• twitter
• googleplus
• email
• linkedin

• facebook
• twitter
• googleplus
• email
• linkedin