Henny Youngman Quotes About Today

Quotes about: Today

• Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.

  Henny Youngman

  Sarcastic, Years, Two

• While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

  Henny Youngman

  Golf, Two, Balls

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• I think the world of you...and you know what condition the world is in today.

  Henny Youngman

  Inspirational, Thinking, World

  Henny Youngman (1994). “Henny Youngman's Bar Jokes, Bar Bets and Bar Tricks”, Outlet

• Two kangaroos were talking to each other, and one said, 'I hope it doesn't rain today. I hate it when the children play inside.

  Henny Youngman

  Children, Hate, Rain

• A man calls a lawyer's office. The phone is answered, Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz and Schwartz. The man says, Let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. I'm sorry, he's on vacation. Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. He's on a big case, not available for a week. Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. He's playing golf today. Okay, then, let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. Speaking.

  Henny Youngman

  Sorry, Golf, Men

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