Mort Sahl Quotes

• There's a danger our fiscal bankruptcy might overtake our moral bankruptcy.

  Mort Sahl

  Might, Moral, Danger

  Twitter post from Apr 04, 2011

  38 Copy quote

• One thing about being narrow-minded: you'll never be lonely.

  Mort Sahl

  Lonely, One Thing, Narrow-minded

  Twitter post from Apr 15, 2011

  35 Copy quote

• I've arranged with my executor to be buried in Chicago. Because when I die, I want to still remain active politically.

  Mort Sahl

  Chicago, Want, Buried

  "Political comedy pioneer Mort Sahl coming to Marin" by Stan Sinberg, www.sfgate.com. February 27, 2004.

  45 Copy quote

• There were four million people in the American Colonies and we had Jefferson and Franklin. Now we have over 200 million and the two top guys are Clinton and Dole. What can you draw from this? Darwin was wrong.

  Mort Sahl

  Two, People, Guy

  "Fey’s Fantastic, But Never The Twain She’ll Meet" by Michael Sigman, www.huffingtonpost.com. May 29, 2011.

  48 Copy quote

• Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen.

  Mort Sahl

  Political, Politics, Conservative

  60 Copy quote

• Remember that no matter how selfish, how cruel, how unfeeling you have been today, every time you take a breath, you make a flower happy.

  Mort Sahl

  Selfish, Flower, Matter

  35 Copy quote

• That feeling of hopelessness only serves your masters.

  Mort Sahl

  Feelings, Hopelessness, Masters

  Mort Sahl (1976). “Heartland”, New York : Harcourt Brace Jovanovich

  26 Copy quote

• I'm for capital punishment. You've got to execute people. How else are they going to learn?

  Mort Sahl

  Punishment, People, Capital Punishment

  18 Copy quote

• Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Reagan couldn't tell the difference.

  Mort Sahl

  Lying, Apology, Differences

  32 Copy quote

• If you maintain a consistent political position long enough, you'll eventually be accused of treason.

  Mort Sahl

  Long, Political, Enough

  19 Copy quote

• In the forties, to get a girl you had to be a GI or a jock. In the fifties, to get a girl you had to be Jewish. In the sixties, to get a girl you had to be black. In the seventies, to get a girl you've got to be a girl.

  Mort Sahl

  Girl, Sex, Black

  24 Copy quote

• Nixon's the kind of guy that if you were drowning fifty feet off shore, he'd throw you a thirty foot rope. Then Kissinger would go on TV the next night and say that the President had met you more than half-way.

  Mort Sahl

  Night, Feet, Guy

  10 Copy quote

• My life needs editing.

  Mort Sahl

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  57 Copy quote

• A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now.

  Mort Sahl

  Believe, Reform, Conservative

  Twitter post from May 19, 2012

  37 Copy quote

• If someone were to ask me for a short cut to sensuality, I would suggest he go shopping for a used 427 Shelby-Cobra. But it is only fair to warn you that of the 300 guys who switched to them in 1966, only two went back to women.

  Mort Sahl

  Cutting, Shopping, Two

  32 Copy quote

• Will Rogers…used to come out with a newspaper and pretend he was a
  yokel criticizing the intellectuals who ran the government. I come out with
  a newspaper and pretend I’m an intellectual making fun of the yokels
  running the government.

  Mort Sahl

  Running, Fun, Government

  15 Copy quote

• The bravest thing that men do is love women.

  Mort Sahl

  Love, Funny Valentines Day, Silly

  11 Copy quote

• The fact is that you can't have a good relationship with a girl who hasn't settled things with her father.

  Mort Sahl

  Girl, Father, Good Relationship

  Mort Sahl (1976). “Heartland”, New York : Harcourt Brace Jovanovich

  33 Copy quote

• When Obama ran, he said, We can change the world! The world: can you change it back?!

  Mort Sahl

  Change, World, Said

  Twitter post from Apr 01, 2011

  38 Copy quote

• I don't believe in good people and bad people. I believe in the better parts of people.

  Mort Sahl

  Believe, People, Good People

  Mort Sahl (1976). “Heartland”, New York : Harcourt Brace Jovanovich

  17 Copy quote

• This matter of two sides to every question is bad logic and bad practice: sometimes there are no sides; sometimes there are a hundred.

  Mort Sahl

  Practice, Two Sides, Matter

  Mort Sahl (1976). “Heartland”, New York : Harcourt Brace Jovanovich

  20 Copy quote

• Hillary's explanation of the Libyan action to Congress was so good, I wonder who explained it to her?

  Mort Sahl

  Action, Wonder, Congress

  Twitter post from Apr 03, 2011

  13 Copy quote

• If you can't join them, beat them.

  Mort Sahl

  Beats, Ifs

  15 Copy quote

• If anybody comes up to you and says, My kid is a conservative - why is that? you say, Remember in the 60′s when we told you if you kept using drugs your kids would be mutants?

  Mort Sahl

  Kids, Drug, Would Be

  15 Copy quote

• A Yuppie is someone who believes it's courageous to eat in a restaurant that hasn't been reviewed yet.

  Mort Sahl

  Believe, Yuppies, Courageous

  25 Copy quote

You May Also Like:

Lenny Bruce

George Carlin

Woody Allen

Shelley Berman

Dick Gregory

Joey Bishop

Jack Paar

Jonathan Winters