Will Durst Quotes

• Comedy is defiance. It's a snort of contempt in the face of fear and anxiety. And it's the laughter that allows hope to creep back on the inhale.

  Will Durst

  Happiness, Laughter, Fear

  47 Copy quote

• How did sex come to be thought of as dirty in the first place? God must have been a Republican.

  Will Durst

  Sex, Humorous, Dirty

  18 Copy quote

• It is my experience that the best way to deal with American politics is 50 milligrams of Zoloft 3 times a day.

  Will Durst

  Way, Deals, Best Way

  8 Copy quote

• You can't kill America. We're more than a nation. We're a notion. We're an idea. The American Dream. You never heard of the Afghanistani Dream have you. Except by bearded hermetic recluses with a fetish for uneducated women dressed as giant shuttlecocks.

  Will Durst

  Dream, Ideas, America

  7 Copy quote

• In San Francisco, Halloween is redundant.

  Will Durst

  Funny, Travel, Halloween

  9 Copy quote

• The administration says the American people want tax cuts. Well, duh. The American people also want drive-through nickel beer night. The American people want to lose weight by eating ice cream. The American people love the Home Shopping Network because it's commercial-free.

  Will Durst

  Home, Beer, Cutting

  8 Copy quote

• Voters want a fraud they can believe in.

  Will Durst

  Believe, Politics, Want

  5 Copy quote

• Budget cuts if you're not rich, tax cuts if you are. Less money for those who don't have any and more to those who do. That's how President Fredo says we're going to get out of the giant deficit hole he's dug. You can't put it any more simply. Rich people richer. Poor people poorer.

  Will Durst

  Cutting, People, President

  7 Copy quote

• When people talk about how in America, anybody can grow up to be President, I'm not sure George Bush is exactly what they had in mind.

  Will Durst

  Growing Up, America, People

  6 Copy quote

• The reason the Democrats are so intent on passing a stem-cell bill is they're depending on the research to grow themselves a spine.

  Will Durst

  Cells, Research, Bills

  5 Copy quote

• Everybody says not enough people vote. Now, I don't know nothing, but after the midterms, pretty obvious to me, that too many people vote.

  Will Durst

  People, Vote, Enough

  8 Copy quote

• Men are superior to women. For one thing, men can urinate from a speeding car.

  Will Durst

  Women, Car, Speeding

  18 Copy quote

• It's okay to laugh in the bedroom so long as you don't point

  Will Durst

  Long, Laughing, Bedroom

  7 Copy quote

• There is humor in the specter of the worst disaster in our nation's history. All I have to do is sweep away the debris of shock to find it.

  Will Durst

  Disaster, Debris, Shock

  8 Copy quote

• The problem is, we have yet to convince the Taliban they are fellow passengers on spaceship Earth.

  Will Durst

  Earth, Politics, Problem

  4 Copy quote

• In San Francisco, Haloween is redundant.

  Will Durst

  San Francisco, Redundant

  4 Copy quote

• President Bush says we've turned the corner in Iraq. What is that, about 16 corners we've turned? I think they call that running in circles.

  Will Durst

  Running, Thinking, Circles

  4 Copy quote

• I hate the outdoors. To me the outdoors is where the car is.

  Will Durst

  Fun, Hate, Lakes

  4 Copy quote

• Well, we won the war. You know what that means. In twenty years, we'll all be driving Iraqi cars

  Will Durst

  War, Mean, Years

  7 Copy quote

• Walter Mondale has all the charisma of a speed bump.

  Will Durst

  Bumps, Politics, Speed

  53 Copy quote

You May Also Like:

Mort Sahl

Willie Brown

Bobby Slayton

Jake Johannsen

Redd Foxx

Paula Poundstone

Jack Benny

Pete McCloskey