Henny Youngman Quotes - Page 7

Quotes about:

• Hollywood called me, asking me, "How much to do a movie with Farrah Fawcett?" "$50,000" They called back, "How about $20,000?" I said, "I'll pay it!"

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Hollywood

  10 Copy quote

• Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Couple, Humor

  10 Copy quote

• My horse's jockey was hitting the horse. The horse turns around and says "Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!"

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Horse, Humor

  28 Copy quote

• There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.

  Henny Youngman

  Sex, Kids, Three

  7 Copy quote

• 2 Jewish women in New York. One says, "Do you see what's going on in Poland?" The other says, "I live in the back, I don't see anything."

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, New York, Humor

  7 Copy quote

• Three weeks ago, she learned how to drive. Last week she learned how to aim it.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Wife

  7 Copy quote

• If, as the scientist say, sex is such a driving force, why is so much of it nowadays found parked?

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Sex, Humorous

  4 Copy quote

• I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Hilarious, Mother

  15 Copy quote

• Most marriage failures are caused by failures marrying.

  Henny Youngman

  Marrying

  Henny Youngman (1994). “Henny Youngman's Bar Jokes, Bar Bets and Bar Tricks”, Outlet

  14 Copy quote

• You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Comedy

  7 Copy quote

• The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Doctors

  8 Copy quote

• A bomb fell on Italy. It slid off!

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Italian

  4 Copy quote

• Was that suit made to order? Where were you at the time?

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Order

  Henny Youngman (1994). “Henny Youngman's Bar Jokes, Bar Bets and Bar Tricks”, Outlet

  15 Copy quote

• The hitter asks the owner to give him a big raise so he can go somewhere he's never been, and the owner says "You mean third base?"

  Henny Youngman

  Sports, Mean, Giving

  8 Copy quote

• If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Life, Humor

  Henny Youngman (1994). “Henny Youngman's Bar Jokes, Bar Bets and Bar Tricks”, Outlet

  5 Copy quote

• I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Horse, Humor

  17 Copy quote

• Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!" The man says, "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says, "The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner...."

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Wine, Humor

  6 Copy quote

• I went out with a girl last night. She wasn't a Lana Turner. She was more of a stomach turner.

  Henny Youngman

  Girl, Night, Lasts

  7 Copy quote

• I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Two

  4 Copy quote

• My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.

  Henny Youngman

  Sea, Wife, Funny Marriage

  "The Haunted Smile: The Story of Jewish Comedians in America". Book by Lawrence J. Epstein, 2001.

  7 Copy quote

• My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go, "Crick".

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Family, Brother

  7 Copy quote

• Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Pet

  12 Copy quote

• I know a man in Ft. Worth with 100,000 head of cattle. No bodies, just heads.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Humor, Men

  7 Copy quote

• I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.

  Henny Youngman

  Taken, Men, Car

  8 Copy quote

• I went to the bank and reviewed my savings, I found out I have all the money I'll ever need. If I die tomorrow.

  Henny Youngman

  Needs, Saving, Tomorrow

  6 Copy quote

Page 7 of 10

First

← Prev

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

Next →

• facebook
• twitter
• googleplus
• email
• linkedin