Groucho Marx Quotes - Page 7

Quotes about:

• Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t make you happy and this is undeniably true, but everything else being equal, it’s a lovely thing to have around the house.

  Groucho Marx

  House, Lovely, Underestimate

  Groucho Marx (2008). “Memoirs Of A Mangy Lover”, p.198, Da Capo Press

  4 Copy quote

• I'm going to Iowa for an award. Then I'm appearing at Carnegie Hall, it's sold out. Then I'm sailing to France to be honored by the French government - I'd give it all up for one erection.

  Groucho Marx

  Sex, Awards, Government

  20 Copy quote

• She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  "Fictional character: Dr. Hackenbush". "A Day at the Races", www.imdb.com. 1937.

  11 Copy quote

• Go, and never darken my towels again

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Inspiration, Humor

  Duck Soup (motion picture) (1933). Screenplay by Bert Kalmar and Harry Ruby.

  8 Copy quote

• I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Golf, Doctors

  54 Copy quote

• Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, New York

  9 Copy quote

• One woman and one man might have been OK in your grandmother's day, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Not even your grandfather!

  Groucho Marx

  Grandmother, Men, Grandfather

  14 Copy quote

• I'm gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there'll be no cover charge.

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Rooms, Blanket

  "Fictional character: Hammer". "The Cocoanuts", www.imdb.com. 1929.

  8 Copy quote

• Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to
  your wife, and outside of the improvement, she won't notice any
  difference.

  Groucho Marx

  Home, Differences, Wife

  16 Copy quote

• We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. . . But we're going back next week.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Girl, Crazy

  24 Copy quote

• I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

  Groucho Marx

  Birthday, Funny Life, Inspiration

  10 Copy quote

• Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

  Groucho Marx

  Dance, Women, Inspiration

  15 Copy quote

• Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Crazy, Silly

  13 Copy quote

• Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot. I implore you, send him back to his father and brothers, who are waiting for him with open arms in the penitentiary. I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth, or eleven years in Twelveworth.

  Groucho Marx

  Brother, Father, Years

  "Fictional character: Rufus T. Firefly". "Duck Soup", 1933.

  17 Copy quote

• Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Witty, Laughter

  59 Copy quote

• If they'd lower the taxes and get rid of the smog and clean up the traffic mess, I really believe I'd settle here until the next earthquake.

  Groucho Marx

  Believe, Earthquakes, Smog

  13 Copy quote

• If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers.

  Groucho Marx

  Government, Feet, Income

  26 Copy quote

• Mr.Blank's reputation as a card shark had preceded him. No one accused him of being dishonest, but on the other hand no one accused him of being honest.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Humorous, Gambling

  Groucho Marx (2008). “Memoirs Of A Mangy Lover”, p.132, Da Capo Press

  10 Copy quote

• There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... Retire!

  Groucho Marx

  Retirement, Work, Age

  "Fictional character: Captain Jeffrey Spaulding". "Animal Crackers", August 20, 1930.

  9 Copy quote

• Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Crazy, Silly

  9 Copy quote

• Ice Water? Get some Onions - that'll make your eyes water!

  Groucho Marx

  Inspiration, Eye, Ice Water

  7 Copy quote

• Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on between husband and wife, but the naming of defenseless, unsuspecting babies.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Baby, Husband

  Groucho Marx (2009). “Groucho And Me”, p.46, Da Capo Press

  12 Copy quote

• A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it

  Groucho Marx

  Wall, Inspiration, Animal

  19 Copy quote

• There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.

  Groucho Marx

  Drinking, Inspiration, Men

  61 Copy quote

• I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Inspiration, Wish

  14 Copy quote

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